A Spiritual Leader?

The comment:

I've always been told to "find a guy who will be a spiritual leader for me, not just a Christian." But what if the girl is the spiritual leader in the relationship? Is that okay? What are your thoughts?

When I realized that I was never going to find a perfect man, I sought to find a man who simply loved Jesus.  I didn't think about the fact that he wouldn't be perfect at that, either.

As I've been told the same thing as you my entire life, I've begun questioning what it means to be a 'spiritual leader'.  At what point does a man step into this role?  At what point is he ready to lead me and all of my perfection as a Christian..... ha.

My first reaction is to go to scripture and look at where we got this idea of the man being a spiritual leader.  Within the context of marriage, I know that scripture says that a woman should be submissive to her husband and respect him, and that a husband should love his wife.  I know scripture says that the man is the head of his wife.  Does all this mean he's the 'spiritual leader'? Maybe there's a part to that you could interpret as such...

Realistically--I think it's going to ebb and flow as we live life, attempt to stand firm in the face of temptation, and go through the various joys and pains of our circumstances.  There are going to be times when I fail and when I need him to point me back toward Christ. There are going to be times when he fails and I point him back toward Christ.  Does that mean I'm the 'spiritual leader' in those moments?  Or does it mean that we are in a relationship where we are constantly refining each other, pushing each other, encouraging each other, and recognizing our desperation for a Savior that cannot be found in each other...?

Maybe the better question to ask, instead of is he a 'spiritual leader' (because to some degree that's just become this cliche verbage that's used far too frequently) is if he really loves Jesus. Does he loves Jesus in such a way that he allows himself to be a work in progress?  Does he loves Jesus in such a way that he doesn't always tell you what you want to hear because he'd rather speak truth over making you feel good about yourself?  Does he love Jesus in such a way that he's willing to be imperfect and not have it all together, because he trusts that through Christ he really has been redeemed?  Does he loves Jesus in such a way that no matter where he's at in his own journey that he will continually push you toward the Lord? Do you love Jesus in that way?

I do think it's unwise for us to become emotionally linked to men who we can't share this part of our life and heart with. I do think it's unwise for us to choose men who are actively living in sin and not desiring to allow the Lord to change them and refine them, or simply aren't willing to acknowledge it as sin.

Ultimately, I think that if you have a man who truly loves the Lord and is pursuing Him, you're okay.  You have to recognize that there will be times when he might question, when he might doubt, when he might turn away--but that doesn't mean he's a bad guy, it doesn't mean he's not a 'spiritual leader'.  It means he's imperfect.  It means he's like you.  You'll have to be patient, trust the Lord and trust that He will be faithful in bringing him back.  You'll have to extend grace, just like he will when you sometimes question, doubt and turn away.

Don't be like me in expecting perfection in a journey of faith...because it can't/won't ever happen. We're all learning, we're all growing, we're all seeking. You have to let him mess up, you have to let him figure out his own stuff with the Lord--and you getting angry or upset with him for not being the 'spiritual leader' that he's 'supposed' to be isn't fair.  You can't place this concept in a box... because how a man is in a relationship is going to be different based on who he is. Maybe he'll want to pray with you, maybe he won't. I think we only harm ourselves when we create these expectations of how godly men are 'supposed' to be in relationships. Let them be themselves, let them seek the Lord, let them be guided in how to love, pursue and encourage you. There's not a fine line of right or wrong.

He's human.
And, after all, you are his azer, his helper.  For it is not good for man to be alone.
So help him...
be gracious with him.
Hold a high standard for the man that you end up with, but don't hold an impossible one.

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