Fraud.

What would you say if you found out that I was a fraud?
A faker?
A liar?
A two-faced hypocrite?

...A sinner?

What would you say if you found out that I wear a mask?

Growing up it wasn't long before I realized that I wasn't ever going to the best at anything. I wasn't going to be the best athlete, I wasn't going to be the best in my class, I wasn't going to be the best singer, actor or dancer...I wasn't going to achieve those dreams. I just wasn't.

Instead I sought out to become the best Christian. That was attainable, right? That was manageable. All I had to do was read my Bible every day, pray a lot, encourage people, go on mission trips, attend youth group regularly, confess my sins, talk to people about deep things, stay away from 'bad' things, tell my friends at school about Jesus....

A long list of things began to form of what it meant to be a good Christian. I'd read books, and add to my list. I'd hear sermons, and add to my list. I'd talk to friends, and add to my list.

I've always considered myself to be a fairly honest person. But, the thing about honesty is that you can hide behind it. I can tell you a lot about something and make you feel as though I've let you in, when, in reality, I'm still holding back. You don't ask more questions, you don't push the boundaries because you feel like what I've said has been honest enough--what more could I possibly have to hide?

A lot.

The truth is that I am a fraud.
I've spent the better majority of my life trying to be something I'm not.

I'm not a 'good' Christian. In fact, I don't really think the term should exist. 'Cause when we start to label things good and bad, that's when we allow room for judgement to creep in.

In all my striving to be the best at being 'good', all I really became was self-righteous and judgmental.

And the horrifying truth is that I wasn't ever good at being 'good'... because while on the outside I could attain some semblance of what it meant to a thriving believer-- I've been full of doubt, fear, bitterness, jealously, selfishness, apathy, manipulation, lust, pride...misery.

This isn't why Christ came.
He didn't come so I could become a Pharisee--with the beautiful exterior of a white-washed tomb, while inside there's only death and uncleanliness.

I have to start being honest about who I really am. Really honest...not just the honesty that only goes a few layers deep. I think we all need to start being more honest...and letting each other be real, sinful people in need of a Savior.

So, friends... today I'm here to tell you that I don't have it all together. I don't have all the answers. I am a faker. I am a liar. I am a two-faced hypocrite. I am a sinner.

May we meet grace in a new, real, and honest way. For Christ came to heal the sick...He came to call the sinners, not the righteous...and I am certainly not righteous.

Today I'm taking off my mask.
Will you love me anyway?

Will you take off your mask, and allow me to love you?
Just as we are.
May we learn to truly love each other just as we are.

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