I resisted such
a list until my freshman year of college when my best friend from high school
and I sat down to figure out what I really wanted in a man. I had grown weary
of striking out with the male species. Here’s what I came up with (with no
edits, as much as I wanted to…):
Debbie’s “Perfect Man”
1.
Christian
(not a baby Christian)
2.
Passionate
(growing) heart for God
3.
Be
spiritual leader (ground in faith)
4.
Still
spontaneous/wreckless
5.
Wants
to serve/selfless
6.
Good
relationship with family
7.
Good
sense of humor
8.
Good
communicator (listen/talk balance)
9.
Athletic
(better than I am)
10. Likes kids
11. Musically talented (opt.)- harmony
12. Artistic (opt.)
13. Attractive- bigger than me/hairy
14. Compassionate (empathetic/understanding)
15. Loves God more than me- still loves me
16. Patient with my stubbornness (someone
I'm able to submit to)
17. Encouraging- words of affirmation
18. Be able to tease/playful
19. Dependent on Christ
20. Be real with
21. More intelligent than me
22. Someone who shows he cares in unique
ways
23. Honest/trustworthy
24. Not naïve (knows what’s going on in the
world)
25. Remembers things
26. Can interact with people
27. Doesn’t breathe loud
28. Isn’t a messy eater
29. Takes initiative/pursues
30. Ability to drive a manual
How’s that for
a model of perfection (and someone that can’t possibly exist)? Sure, a guy
might have a lot of those things, and maybe even a little of all of them—but in this
list I didn’t allow room for imperfection, for humanness, for inconsistency.
Sometimes I
think the reason we make a list should be to scratch off half the list. That
perhaps we should, instead of hoping and praying to find someone who meets our
specifications for what we’ve deemed to be perfection, be willing to recognize
that a lot of what we want in someone is unrealistic….and unimportant.
My list reminds
me of my superficiality, and how I had allowed myself to focus more on things
that don’t matter than the things that do. For as much as I had good qualities
that I was looking for in my perfect man (a lot which I really think are important), you better believe that
the things that swayed my heart and emotions more were the things that didn’t
hold much value.
If I were being
honest with myself, I cared much more that my man would come in this perfect
package. There wasn’t a place for loud
breathers, or unathletic nerds (but he still had to be smart), or skinny twerps
who I could crush in a wrestling match. If he couldn’t carry a tune I’d lose
interest, and if he lost part of his taco I’d question his tableside
manners. The funny thing is that even
when I met guys who seemed to be the ‘total package’, they were prideful and
arrogant and I couldn’t handle that either. Essentially no one could win. No
one would ever meet my criteria.
Turns out no
one is perfect (no matter how much I still want to believe that’s true
sometimes). Turns out that my focusing on such a specific list causes me to
overlook the good that’s right in front of me because it’s not packaged in the
way that I originally wanted. Turns out that the Lord is much better at picking
what and who is good for me.
If you have a
list…
I’d encourage
you to re-examine the things on it. What of those things holds eternal value?
What of those things actually matter? What of those things will matter when
you’re old and gray? Prioritize- what are the things that you truly cannot live without?
If you don’t
have a list…
I’d encourage
you to potentially make one. Perhaps the reason that you feel so restless in
this search for a perfect mate is that you have unrealistic expectations that
you’re not even aware of. I mostly think we all have this subconscious list
that exists and affects us—so, you might as well write it down and process
through what things really are
important.
Ultimately- be
prepared to throw the list out and trust the Lord to bring you to someone in
His time and His way. He might look exactly like you thought he would, he might
not. Both are okay. Be open to the
fact that the Lord might have someone completely different for you than you’ve
always thought, and trust that different might be better.
* * *
Your entries will remain anonymous
:] I am guilty of being a list maker.... Last January, I sat and prayed for hours as I made a list of 48 obvious and super random desires for a husband. After the list was made, I spent hours praying over that list... praying for my heart to be open to never meeting someone with all the attributes, and praying for him to exist. I was consistent in praying over The List. By March 5 I had met the man I had been praying for... and over time it hit me that he was literally every single thing on The List. The only thing he seemed to lack was #32- LOVE to play board games. He likes them. He does not love them. I remember reading The List off to my mom & a close friend, all of us in complete shock that this guy was truly my list. I always thought lists were silly... and that I should not create some false hope of a perfect guy- and he is by no means perfect... but I will boldly claim that he is, indeed, perfect for me. He is a direct answer to prayer- my favorite, tangible gift God has blessed my world with. We were engaged 6 months later, and married 2 months after that, and now have a baby on the way... God is so good at answering. All this to say- I encourage anyone to make a list, to pray, to believe God answers and wants to bless his babies. :]
ReplyDelete-Kellye Tilford