everything clicks

An email recently received:  

I spent all summer teaching teenage girls about their value and worth in God’s eyes. How He loved them, how He wanted to heal them from their brokenness and restore their life! They were HIS, they were LOVED, they were BEAUTIFUL, they were CLEAN! I prayed for them to fully grasp onto those things and really believe them, but did I even believe those things for my life? I thought I did, I thought the chains were finally falling off and I was running to my Savior as fast as I could. So what happened? How do you go from believing that one day to looking in the mirror the next day and not even recognizing the person you’ve become?

Maybe it was because I was running full force towards Jesus and Satan saw that he had to intervene before things got too serious between this Jesus and I.

Sometimes it feels that the words that gush so naturally out of our mouths when we’re speaking to others are the very words that we’re struggling to believe for ourselves.  Some might call it hypocritical, but I’d venture to say that it’s pretty normal.  Maybe that makes me a bad person…

It seems, especially when we are talking about truly finding our identity in Christ, that we are going to wrestle with what this really means for most of our lives.  In the process of learning and growing (and experiencing all the growing pains that come with it) I think it’s a really beautiful thing when we can invite others into our questions and doubts as we continue to push forward.

My job requires me to speak truth into people’s lives—specifically females—almost constantly.  I’d be lying if I said that I ever felt like I had all the answers, if I ever felt like I had much to offer to them, if I ever felt adequate or that I always fully believed those things for myself.  

But, my internal struggle to work through things doesn’t mean that I'm going to denounce things that I ultimately believe to be true when speaking to others.  For example: I firmly believe the things you mentioned are unfathomably true: we are HIS, we are LOVED, we are BEAUTIFUL, we are CLEAN.   The problem is that they are unfathomable to me sometimes. 

And then there seem to be these moments where Christ calms the storm.  That in the midst of life, in the midst of doubts and uncertainties, God says “I’m here.  I’m in control.  Trust me.”  And those moments, no matter how brief they are, make everything worth it.  It makes sense.  Everything clicks. 

In that moment you believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt.  You really believe everything you’ve been saying you believe. 

Life seems to be speckled with these moments—these moments of intimacy with the Lord… and it seems that we spend the rest of our life striving to get back there again.  The thing is, I can’t recall a time where I was ever able to regenerate these moments with the Lord.  No matter how much I read my Bible, or pray, or worship or confess, or do all the ‘right’ things—they haven’t been the things that get me back in that place.  Instead, it seems like He catches me in His timing, in His way- in the bathtub, in the middle of a run, with a spider web…

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm proud of you for teaching these girls TRUTH and for begging that the Lord would press it permanently into their hearts.  I'm thankful for your dedication and your desire for them to get it.  Keep doing that, no matter what. I'm also saying don’t freak out about not always feeling it or believing them for yourself.  I think you ultimately do… I think you ultimately get it… because you’ve had the moments where it clicks… and the Lord is going to keep drawing you into His presence—in His timing and in His way—and He will continue to reaffirm you of the things He’s been speaking gently to your heart since you were born. 

I sometimes think the enemy works best (and he’s dang good at what he does) when he causes us to go into a frenzy, to doubt what the Lord has said is true, to doubt that the Lord has even spoken at all.  He has. 

Remember the moments, dear one.  The times on the mountain, in the valleys, in the random, out-of-nowhere encounters—the places where the Lord met you, the truths He has spoken to you.  Walk faithfully in what He HAS spoken, claim it as truth over your life- even if you don’t always feel it.

Be diligent in the task before you as you weave in and out of the moments where it clicks.

Preach truth always.

Your chains have been broken.

You are worth it.

And I’ll pray that you fully grasp it and believe it… and in the meantime, I’ll wrestle through my own doubts for myself and believing I'm worth it.. ‘cause that’s just how it goes (and I know there are others praying this for me… and others praying it for them…)

Let’s all fight together.

For each other.  For Him.

Unto Him be all the glory.  

And let us never forget the moments when everything clicks. 

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