Tuesday, January 31, 2012

the good kind of crazy

I decided to buy chickens my senior year of college.
Not because I really wanted chickens, but mostly because I could... 
25 baby chicks for approximately $30?  Why not. 

When I got the notice to pick them up, I quickly darted to the post office, only to be greeted by the sound of many friendly chirps.  

They came in 1/2 a box... 27 of 'em (I suppose it was in case any died in transport). 
It was one of those crazy things you do in college for no good reason at all.  We named them things like "Fluffy Featherhead" and "Clever Hans".  My roommates let me keep them in our house until two of them were suffering too much from allergies to thrive in our home.  

(...no, that's not my bed.)

Eventually the chicks were transported to a farmhouse owned by our campus minister whose wife had always wanted chickens.  I'm quite sure they regretted the decision to take those chickens...

Let today be a day where you do something spontaneous, ridiculous, adventurous... let today be a day where you make memories with people around you who are there for such a time as this one.
Let today be a day where you do something crazy.
'cause as much as I harp on us girls for being 'crazy' so much of the time- I also hope we never lose sight of adventure, spontaneity, and just allowing ourselves to live in the fullness of who we were created to be--weird, quirky, deep, carefree, human.

Enjoy today... despite your circumstances.  Laugh a lot.  Take some friends along for the ride (NOT the guy you're currently obsessing over).
May you walk freely in JOY... and in the crazy.  The good kind of crazy...

and then?  let me know what you come up with... let me know what types of good crazy you got yourself into.

Monday, January 30, 2012

enough about me...

Today I'd like to hear from my readers...

I get quite a lot of encouraging feedback from many of you- but today I have some questions I'd like for you to be willing to answer so I can better know where you all are coming from.

  • Which of my previous posts do you identify with the most and why? 
  • What are the types of things that you want/need to read about on a daily basis? 
  • And for those of you willing to be bold and brave: what are you currently struggling through/wrestling with the most right now? 

Feel free to post below, or if you want to be more discreet--let me know your thoughts HERE

Today I'm asking YOU to be bold and vulnerable via the world wide web... and since you've already heard a lot about my shenanigans (don't worry, you'll hear more... lots more), it's your moment to shine.  

OH- and if you're one of those people who reads this and tries talks themselves out of posting something really going on with you, you should probably just go ahead and post.
Let's be raw. Let's be real.
Let's journey through all of this together.

Hands in, everyone?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

'Psycho by the Phone' Syndrome

The comment:
Why is it when a girl is into a guy and the girl "thinks" the guy is also interested in her, that she is constantly throwing herself at him. He says, he's just too busy or just didn't have time to send you a message or call. Yet women continually make excuses for him saying "Well maybe he is busy and didn't have time". Why do we have to be the psycho sitting by the phone, initiating conversation, and thinking maybe he'll send me a message first this time. I've realized I'm pretty pathetic and yet can't break myself of this terrible cycle of sitting, waiting, and checking my phone. And yet I feel like I'm the one struggling to move on from this guy who is too busy for me, while he isn't spending the time fretting over me or sitting by his phone.

I hate this for you.
I hate it because I know what's it's like to get caught up in the idea of someone so much that we literally put our life on hold for him when he, most likely, isn't thinking about us at all.

I recently came across some journals from college that reminded me of one guy in particular that I was head over heels for...for at least a year.  He was kind, we'd chat online a lot, occasionally hang out--we'd talk about the deep issues in life and challenge each other to be better people.  He saw us only as friends, I saw him as my potential soulmate.  I waited... and waited...and waited for him to wake up one day and realize that I was it.  I tried waiting for him to chat with me first, to instigate hang out times, to tell me what our relationship was really about.

It's excruciating to think about the time we spend waiting for men to pursue us, knowing that often times the wait is just a ruse and our clinging to hope of anything more is just this ridiculous mind exercise to keep us from falling into the pits of despair of feeling as though no one will ever want us. And so, while we try and wait, we think of a thousand different reasons for why we need to contact them first.  "I just need to ask him this one question about....", "I wonder if I left something over there the other day....?", "I suddenly thought of some really good answer to the question we've been discussing so I should let him know before I forget"..."I need to go for a jog and his house is on my running route...so I might as well stop by...."

These are the moments we get crazy.  We get crazy because we're impatient and we just want to know what he thinks of us, we just want to talk to him because we miss him, we just want to be an important part of his life.

My only thing to tell you is STOP waiting for him.  He's not interested.  If he IS, he will let you know... he will want to talk to you, he won't be 'too busy'. Ultimately, we make time for the things that we want to make time for.

Ways that we, as women, can get over men who very clearly aren't interested in us?
In no particular order, here's what I've come up with (sometimes all of these have proven necessary):

  • Remove him from your life. Period.  
    • Delete his number from your phone, delete his email from your address book
    • De-friend him on Facebook
    • Get rid of pictures, emails, notes--anything to stir up memories.
  • Don't read into things.
    • If you decide you can remain friends with this guy, make sure you set boundaries for yourself.  Don't hang out with him alone.  Don't converse with him late into the night (through chat, texts, phone calls, etc) even if he initiates it. 
    • If he wants to date you, he will make it clear-- trust me on this.  Don't let your hopes soar at the sound of one kind word, or one effort to hang out, or at any amount of physical touch (and whatever you do, don't make yourself available for the 'friends with benefits' game.  You can't handle it, nor should you compromise yourself like this).  
  • Pray. 
    • Ask the Lord to move you into a new place... ask Him to change your heart toward this guy...ask Him to replenish hope that there is someone for you...ask Him to help you to trust Him to take care of all of it.
  • Wait...and BE STILL. 
    • As hard as this is, it's part of the process.  Be willing to wait (actually wait)... and be willing to commit to not being proactive in seeking after guys--especially those you tend to initiate conversations with.
  • Accountability.
    • Find a GIRL friend that will ask you regularly how you are doing.  A friend that will ask you if you've initiated conversations, a friend you will be honest with.
  • Honesty.
    • Being honest with yourself, others, and the Lord is going to be key.  If you're not willing to be honest about where you're at and where your heart is... you're never going to come to a place where you are able to let go. 

I don't think guys have bad intentions when they befriend us and care about us deeply... I just think our hearts are triggered by men who are willing to do this.  I actually think it's wrong for us to blame men and be angry with them for leading us on--a large majority of the time I don't think they are aware they are doing it. They are trying to be nice, they are trying to love well.  Unfortunately, a lot of the time it comes back to harm them.  And once they realize it, they don't know often know how to respond without being mean and so they do the best they can (guys--see this post for a few tips on how to respond to girls who are interested in you when you are not interested in them).  Instead of blaming him, look at where you can take a step back.  I imagine he's doing all he knows to do to convey that he's not interested short of bluntly saying it (if you think you need this, go ahead and ask him, but I promise it won't be pretty and it leaves everyone feeling awkward in the end).  

There's hope for you.
I truly hope you believe that.  I believe it for you. 
This guy probably isn't it--and I hope you can get to the point where you can say that and be thankful for it. 
Take the steps necessary to break the cycle.
I'm living proof that it can be done.  
Walk freely, my friend. You don't have to wait by the phone anymore. 

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Saturday, January 28, 2012

It's so Hard to say Good-bye

There are a lot of things that come up throughout the day where I think, "I should write a blog on that."  A lot of times it's a collaborative effort with the people I'm around, especially if they know about the blog.  We'll hear some crazy story about a crazy girl, or some specific thing that girls generally tend to struggle with... eye contact will be made, and we agree that a new post should be written.

The most recent one of these came about while listening to several episodes of Community as a friend and I were attempting to be crafty.  In one episode (they're all a blur at this point), Brita acknowledges that she doesn't want to date her ex-boyfriend but she doesn't want him to date anyone else.  Blog.

How many times have we thought (or said) the very same thing ourselves?

For example:  After a 5-year hiatus from dating between my high school days and my post-college days I met a boy one summer that I decided to take the plunge with.  Mostly I think it had been so long since someone had wanted to date me, I felt obligated to give it a shot.  I tried... I really did.  I did things like write notes back and forth, spend time with him, give him my journal from my freshman year of college so he could get to really know me (don't ever do this)...

It just wasn't happening.  So we broke up.  And then two weeks later we started dating again.  And then a few weeks later I got a reality check again and we broke up... again. It was one of those relationships you feel awkward about when you're watching it happen.

I knew I wasn't ever going to be with this guy, I knew I didn't want to be with this guy- but there was still something alluring about the fact that he had wanted me.  I didn't want to let go of it.  We went our separate ways after the summer and kept up through email a bit.  He sent me songs like "Don't Give Up" by Sanctus Real... and eventually, one day through some Facebook stalking, I saw that another girl was in the picture.  While I knew we were just friends, there was still something painful about it.  He had moved on...I really wasn't what he wanted or needed.  I had wanted to keep him around for a while so I could at least wallow in the idea that there was someone out there who wanted me, even if we weren't together. It was a way I could still feel good about myself, a way I could still feel wanted.

I had written him a letter toward the end of our relationship that I hadn't wanted to give him because it really meant good-bye.  I think these are often the things we want to do and even think we should do, but find logical reasons not to do.  It's usually that we are too scared to really let go of certain guys because we aren't sure if anyone else will come along... the mentality of, "maybe this is as good as it gets?" creeps in. After he started seeing this other girl, I knew I had to really release him, and sent him what I had written.  This is what part of the note said:

She's going to be amazing.  She's going to compliment you
completely, give you all that you really need, all that you've wanted.
 You won't have to work hard, you won't have to feel like you need to
save her.  She'll be perfect for you and challenge you simply by who
she is.

She isn't me.

Sometimes I wish otherwise--but I think we both need to move on
completely.  No holding onto what might have been, or even what was.
No lingering in hopes and dreams--no falsely placing each other in our
lives where we don't belong.

I said before that I didn't want to lose you.  And I don't--but I
think that I must.  I have to lose you.  Completely.

If you're still holding onto someone, or the idea of someone, simply because you're fearful of the unknown or the idea of being single again or that no one else will come along-- you're holding on for all the wrong reasons.  

If you know it's never going to happen--do both of yourselves a favor...let go and move on.  Tell them that you aren't the one for them, and graciously walk out of their lives. 

We have to stop being people who cling to things, especially people, because we are finding some sort of worth in them. 

Sometimes I think the most loving thing we can do is walk away. 
Let him move on with his life...
It's time to say good-bye.

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Friday, January 27, 2012

Take and Seal It

The Comment:

Personally, I am scared to open up my heart too much to men. When I do open up, I second-guess myself. I think because I had planned on marrying my ex. We dated 4 years and that was the closest relationship I've ever had with a guy, obviously. Because it took me 2 years to get over, and was really painful, I think I've partly regretted that relationship. If I was interested in a guy and it turns out he did want to date me, it probably wouldn't take long before I closed up and became very cautious. Any thoughts on that? Is that bad?

It makes sense that you would respond this way.  Is it bad?  Well, it probably isn’t good

I think the thing that stands out most to me is the fact that you’re already aware that you would most likely react this way.  It’s almost as if you’re not giving yourself a chance to act differently.  You’ve pre-ordained how it will be if this specific situation were to arise. 

Ultimately, you get to decide.  You get to decide if that’s bad or not.  You get to decide if that’s the way you respond. You get to decide if this is the way that you want to live—alone and shutting out the world around you because you’re fearful of pain. 

I catch myself doing this a lot, actually—closing off, proceeding with caution…testing the waters, so to speak.  In this, it’s almost as if I'm asking, “Am I worth it? Do you think I'm worth it?”  And somehow I think that if the answer to that question is yes, it means that I'm safe…that I’ll never know pain like I’ve known in the past. 

No matter who we open ourselves up to, the very act of opening ourselves up creates a vulnerability within causing us to be exceptionally sensitive and full of expectation for the other person.  Especially as females, I think we’re pretty stellar at setting others up to fail. 

You’re going to get hurt.  Even the most beautiful marriages are filled with spouses hurting each other in some capacity…sometimes on a daily basis, in the smallest of ways.  We get to decide to forgive…and forgive….and forgive… and we humbly accept the forgiveness constantly, too.  After all, we’re commanded to bear with each other and forgive …

I suppose I want us all to get to the point where we decide it’s worth it.  Where we decide to get over ourselves and our fears and take the plunge. Sometimes this is a daily battle, especially when you’re in the midst of recognizing that you’re closing off and being cautious. It also requires us to be in a place where we aren't allowing others to dictate our worth and where we aren't relying on them to sustain us, or complete us, or fulfill us.  

There’s just a depth, a beauty, a better understanding of who Jesus is and why He came…a better understanding of why love and grace are so necessary… when we allow ourselves be known and seek to know others intimately. 

Don’t rob yourself (and someone else) of the joy of walking through the good stuff AND the hard stuff with them because you are afraid. 
Don’t be crazy in the ways you seek to close yourself off…but don’t be crazy in the ways you chase after love, either.  Let him pursue you.  And don’t let the past define your future. 

I’d encourage you to start asking the Lord to prepare your heart now for what is to come...ask Him to take and seal it.  May your trust and your identity ultimately be found in Him and Him alone.  

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Running in Place

I love cats.
I'm not ashamed to admit it.

When I was a little girl, I had the tendency to run away when things weren’t shaping up the way I’d hoped or imagined.   When I was mad at my parents, when one of my brothers had upset me, when I didn’t get my way… I ran.  Into the woods, I would go. 

This wasn’t just spontaneous running… I prepared for my excursions away from my home.  The moment things were too much for me to want to handle, I’d run up to my room, slam the door, pack a backpack full of books and other things to keep me entertained and try to sneak out the front door without anyone noticing.  Before leaving our front porch, I’d try to scoop up as many kittens as I could carry- for they were a necessity as I escaped from reality for a moment. 

I should probably clarify…
Due to my mom’s inability to say ‘no’ to me on my birthday when I was being given one kitten, we walked away with two.  And then they multiplied.  Those inbreeds had all sorts of problems, but they were cute and cuddly and comforting when I needed them most.  We had litters of kittens gallivanting around our property often.

I remember going into the woods, 4 or 5 kittens nestled in my arms and finding a location in which to settle down for several hours.  I’d sit there and mull over the previous events that had brought me to the woods…and I’d cry.  I’d cry (and pet the kittens) as I thought through how wrong everyone else was and how right I was.  Running away would surely show them. 

The tendency to run away has carried into my adult years as I find myself ensnared with people that upset me, with situations where I don’t always get my way, when I'm angry, when I'm hurt… (the list goes on).   Only now it doesn’t seem as justifiable to literally run away, let alone take a bunch of small, furry animals with me (plus, I’d be judged for taking cats).  But… I still find ways to run.  I run in the ways that I avoid people and the ways that I close myself off.

As a little girl I eventually had to tuck in my tail and return home… and I find the same to be true now.  I sulkily come back and I recognize that in my absence I want people to have cared that I was gone, I want them to have noticed, I want to know that I matter.  I want them to be thankful for my return…like the Prodigal Son, or something.  

The running away is always about me—no matter how you look at it.
What a wretched thing.

What are you running from? Why?
What would it look like if you were to stop running and actual deal with the things in front of you? 

I’ve grown weary of running—and have slowly begun to recognize the need to work through things with others and myself, the need to slow down and not let my irrational heart get ahead of me.  It’s hard to keep my feet from moving sometimes—but I'm finding the beauty in what it means to persevere.

Whatever you’re running from today, I’d urge you to stop (unless it’s from temptation and such).  Be willing to go through the hard stuff, be willing to live out of grace for others, be willing to try and communicate through frustrating miscommunications, be willing to admit that there’s stuff in you that needs to be dealt with.

Running gets us nowhere.
We always have to come back…in some way or another…to deal with others and ourselves. 
Slow down, my friends. 
And pet a kitten for me.

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Battlefield

A girl that I mentored came into my office once, venting and fuming about a situation that was requiring her to love someone she didn’t want to love.  As she talked through the entire situation, she was realizing the battle within her…the battle that caused her to want to have nothing to do with this other individual, but also caused her to want to stick it out and approach the situation with love and tenderness.

As I listened to her and said few things, I almost teared up.  Ridiculous, right?  But as she elaborated and externally struggled between right and wrong, I just saw the Lord’s goodness.  I saw the Lord’s desire to refine her, and her desire to let him...but how we are so quick to put on our old selves--we are so quick to cater to our selfishness and our evil hearts.  I wanted to cry because I saw so much hope in her, and how the Lord was taking her through a situation that would only mold her and shape her into learning to love the unlovely. 

Isn’t it? 

I began to wonder where I was at in that process….that despite my circumstances, do I choose to allow the Lord to refine me, or do I choose my flesh?  I sadly (and humbly) realized that, more often than not, I tend to allow my flesh to consume me.  In the midst of trying situations when I get to choose how to react to something or someone that doesn’t agree with me… I struggle deeply. 

Good vs. Evil

It’s strange how the two can co-exist within me… this battle between my flesh and my heart; the battle between my old self and my new self.  In all actuality, sometimes it’s rather disturbing…

The thoughts I am capable of in my mind towards other people are completely contrary to the thoughts I long to have of them in my heart.  They are completely opposite of the ways I hope to love people, in the way that Christ loves them...the ways I hope to encourage them and be there for them. 

The harsh reality is that am absolutely incapable of loving people without Jesus Christ dwelling within me.  I am too quick to judge, I am too quick to take what I believe belongs to me, and absolutely selfish. 

In moments like these I am truly thankful for second chances.
...truly thankful that His mercy is new every morning. 
...truly thankful that despite the inner battle going on within that makes me crazy...His sovereignty prevails and He still is able to use someone like me. 

It's true for you, too. 
Wouldn't you agree? 

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Guarding my heart...for love?

I received an email recently asking me what I thought it meant for us to "guard our hearts" and so I've been thinking about it a bit.  I might have rolled my eyes a bit in the process, tired of the ways that this one verse in Scripture has become this excuse for Christian women to cling to without really even knowing what it means or the context behind it.

What it does it mean to ‘guard your heart'?
This is a loaded question, but I don't think it necessarily means what everyone always says it means... 
I think we can be overly cautious with this phrase and use it out of context in a way that harms us or in a way that it was never intended to be used.  I think it allows us to worry and gives us an excuse to be controlling-- and I'm not sure that's the point at all.   

Proverbs 4:23 
Guard your heart because it's the wellspring of life’  is the verse we typically hear, right? 
Or perhaps:
‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’
Or how about this one: 
‘Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it are the sources of life.’
Or here:
'Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.'

Jeremiah 17:9 says
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  
(notice that it says above all things...similar to how we are called to guard it above all things)

Matthew 15:19 says
For out of the heart come evil thoughts: murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander...

Mostly, I wonder if we are called to guard our hearts in a completely different sense than this romantic context that everyone always uses it in.  Guard our hearts, watch them carefully—because everything we DO/THINK flows from it.  Because our hearts are desperately wicked, they are easily influenced by the world and the things of the world.  Guard it, watch it... tread carefully.  It’s this very dear and important thing to us because from it we think, we act, we speak—but it's also evil.

I don't think that 'guard your heart' means-- "Hey there, hopeful lady... I know there's this really stellar guy that you're interested in and it seems like he might be interested too... but you need to be careful when you give your heart to someone.  You need to protect it and not allow anyone in because you are precious and someone has to really prove that he wants to be with you before you ever allow him in.  Instead of getting close to him, guard yourself- be hesitant, make sure he really cares...and whatever you do, don't put yourself out there to risk being hurt."

Instead, guarding your heart seems to have everything to do with fleeing from evil, not fleeing from the potential of something incredible and life-giving.  Correct me if you think I'm wrong, please...and definitely read the whole chapter and tell me your thoughts on this subject.  

But what would I say?
Don't run from things that could be good because you're afraid of hurt and risk and the unknown.  Be open to people... before assuming that you know exactly how everything is going to turn out.

Let's not be women who make Scripture something that it's not... let us always be women who go back to the Word when we hear things and let us only apply them to our lives when it is truth...

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Monday, January 23, 2012

Mariah's Daydream & Deana's Shaving

When I was in middle school we had a lot of dances with a lot of dancing.  

By dances I mean there was a group of us that would hold gatherings in our basements and blare Mariah Carey’s “Daydream” cd, or Deana Carter’s “Did I Shave My Legs for This” album.

By dancing I mean we would hug someone of the opposite gender and move slowly in a circle until the song was finished.  I imagine it was a painful 3+ minutes for those boys, while, for the girls, it only fed into our vivid, romantic imaginations as budding teenagers.

We anticipated these nights with much fervor, declaring who we hoped we would dance with and gossiping about who had a crush on who.  We reminisced about these nights often, dreamily thinking about being held in the arms of our crush, dancing to “our” song. 

The funny thing is that at these “dances”, we often had to resort to the name-pulling game.  Often parents would help out in this department.  We’d put all the boy’s names in one hat and all the girl’s names in another hat and pull out one from each hat at a time.  You would then dance with whomever you were fated to be with.  This ensured that we would all dance with someone—even if it meant having to dance with a boy you didn’t like every once in a while (‘cause there were still good odds of ending up getting to lay your head on that one special guy’s shoulder). 

I think this is one of several key moments in life where I began to create this idyllic image of what romance and love ought to look like.  Even the insignificance of dancing with these dreamboats became this image of how things should be…and there became the notion that somewhere in the world there existed a man who would hold me closely, twirl me in a circle to some hopelessly romantic song, and everything would fade in that room except for the two of us—like the movies. It was the way our 6th and 7th grade minds functioned.  It was all we knew to want and expect.

There’s been a lot of harm done through the faulty expectations of my teenage (and now into my twenties) self.  I’ve created a world that’s impossible for any normal man to enter into.  Instead, my man must be perfect.  He must do all the right things, say all the right things, and be all the right things.

The only problem? 
He doesn’t exist. 
He never will. 
We create these fantasies and expect others to live up to them…and when they don’t, we are crushed.  We inevitably push guys away because they’ll never live up to our expectations, and so as much as they try to be these incredible men that we want—they always feel like they’ve failed us…because, as much as we don’t want to admit it, they have. 

I hate this.
I hate that I’ve become a person so filled with ideals and expectations that I can’t allow others to be human.  I hate that as a child I was able to easily forget that a mom was drawing my name out of a hat and that was the only reason I was dancing with the “love of my life” and now… all I can seem to focus on is the fact that two names were drawn randomly and from that everything else seems faulty and fabricated.

We become jaded and cynical—but still hoping somehow that perfection exists.
I’ve now gotten to the point where I realize that, as much as this goes against all the things that I’ve wanted to believe my entire life...he’ll never do all the right things, and he’ll never say all the right things, and he’ll never be all the right things.
But, sometimes I think that’s better. 

It’s better because it’s real.
It’s better because it means Jesus is necessary.
It’s better because it allows me to be imperfect, too. 

I'm not saying settle.
But, I'm saying…let go of some of those expectations you have that he’ll never meet.  At some point, you have to allow someone to be human.  At some point, you have to recognize that he can’t read your mind.  At some point, you have to recognize that this whole romance thing isn’t all about you.

He won’t fully complete you.
He won’t fully satisfy you.
That perfect dance with that dreamy guy isn’t really anything like what I pretended it was…and that’s okay. 

It’s time to live in reality…and I’d love for you to join me there.  

* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

Your stories will remain anonymous

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Will a 'Dwight' breed jealousy?

“I guess Andy isn’t totally over his current girlfriend…but if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again…” 

Erin, from The Office, proved to be a great subject for my ‘crazy girls’ theory this past week. While I think the show was trying to embellish her efforts to win back Andy and get him to notice her, I didn’t think they were so far from the truth. 

We laugh when she uses Dwight to try and make Andy jealous…and we laugh because it’s ridiculous- but, I bet we can all think of a time where we’ve done the very same thing.  We try to avoid being the jerk to the new girlfriend because we think he’ll notice the way we are handling the break-up maturely and be impressed by it- but inside we are hurting and jealous, wishing that he would see what he’s missing by not being with us.

We go to ridiculous measures to get guys to notice us, especially when it comes to gaining the affections of someone who once cared for us. 

I recently received a message from a girl whose willingness to be so honest was refreshing and enlightening.
So, I'm going to be pretty blatantly honest here, even though I will probably sound "crazy"… but you know how that goes, so keep reading. Last month, when I realized I'd get to see [my ex], my first thought was "I wonder if I keep to my half marathon training plan if I'll have lost 5 lbs. by the time I see him" ... then it was "I'll need to make sure my hair look really good" then "I'll need to spend some time in the sun so my face will be clear" ... and when I was shopping once, "How will these pants look with my shirt when I'm there?" ....legitimately... that is how ridiculous my thoughts went. I feel outrageous typing this. When I found out that I wasn't going to see him, it was like a huge weight lifted from my chest. 
Aren’t those the thoughts we all think, though?  The thoughts that when we talk about which superhero power we’d like to possess, when the mention of ‘reading people’s minds’ comes up, we all feel uncomfortable because we know the various things that cross through our brains in a matter of seconds? 

This girl kept processing through and went on to say this, in response to the sudden worry that crept in about if he had moved on and what he was really doing in his life:
I don't have to be worried. Anything that happens in his life no longer has to affect me. I don't have to be worried that he's falling in love with someone else, worried about when he's going to graduate, or how he's spending his free time or what his spiritual life is like. For the first time in years, I don't have to worry about that. Along with that, something huge happened... I woke up on Tuesday morning, looked in the mirror, and I liked what I saw. 
I remember when one of my roommates in college finally got over a guy that she had dated in high school.  It had been over a year and she had mourned him and their relationship frequently.  One random day, it suddenly dawned on her that she was over him…and she danced.  She just went crazy and danced, praising the Lord for the release on her heart.

Sometimes it just takes time.  Sometimes, no matter what we try to do, no matter what steps we take…we just need time.  It can become a grueling process—but I think that in the waiting for the Lord to mend our hearts, we learn a little about ourselves and a little more about Him.  We learn the things that are important and we grow. 

We get to the point, like this girl, and we are finally able to say something like this:
Sometimes I do really miss having [my ex] around.. he was my best friend for so long, through so many big parts of my life. But I am not the same person I was last week, last month, or last spring... He and I barely know each other anymore, we're constantly growing and changing and that is GOOD. Am I completely 100% over him? I don't even know what that really means, but this is the closest I've ever been. I will say that there isn't a place for him in my life right now… I just want to continue learning who I am, rediscovering my identity in Christ, and letting my mind be at rest without the confusion that guys bring.  
And what a beautiful day that is. 
For those of you who are still hurting and aching over a break-up… I encourage you to let time heal.  I encourage you to release control and not do crazy things to try and win him back.  I know it’s tempting to think that there is something you could do differently to change his mind… but, there’s not. 

Let him go.
Trust the Lord with your heart…again.
And let Him bring you into a place of full healing and peace about where you are and who you are. 

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Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  
You're not alone.  

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