it was good.

I received an email from a girl not too long ago that said the following:

“I've come to realize that I don’t really think much of myself, I don’t have much self confidence, and I don’t really have much optimism in my potential.  I have an idea of the type of woman I want to be, but I'm convinced that I can never be that person.  It's a terrible way of thinking, but I don’t know how to like myself and I don’t know how to become who I want to be.

I have this incredible desire to be this elegant, gorgeous, gentle woman of God, but I feel that I will forever be this immature, ugly child.  I just really feel disappointed/confused about who I am.  I just don’t understand why I cant be the woman I want to be, and no matter how much I try I feel as if I fail miserably, so I just stop trying.”

Can any of you relate to those feelings?? 

I know I can.  I remember feeling hopeless in my quests to have a 'gentle and quiet spirit' as I found myself loudly singing made-up lyrics in public, or meowing in the middle of class when my professor mentioned the word 'cat'.  I felt too weird and quirky and out of control to ever be this woman of God that I was ‘supposed’ to be.  It made me feel like I had missed the mark and I would never be desirable as a woman if I couldn’t get it figured out. 

It hasn't been until the past few years where I've realized that perhaps having that 'gentle and quiet spirit' maybe means something different than having a 'gentle and quiet personality'.  Instead of trying to tame down my crazy antics and sucking the life out of things, I felt like the Lord was really asking me to look at my heart and my spirit.  How do I react to hard things, how I do rebuke people, how do I love them, how do I forgive them, how do I seek Him? Do I worry too much? Am I fearful? Am I obedient?  He was reminding me that He's created me, in all my ridiculousness, and yet He is refining me to be a woman who surrenders all, loves deeply and trusts Him with my whole heart and being.  And if I trust Him? I suddenly think that's where the gentleness and quietness of our spirit comes in--the inner beauty. 

Hear out my response to her and take it to heart:

You may never be an 'elegant, gentle, gorgeous woman of God'.... because the Lord has something else in mind for you.  You might end up being a spunky, fun, adventurous, bold woman of God.... I'm not sure…BUT, would you let whatever He has created you to be to be enough?  Would you stop trying so hard to be something and someone that you're NOT and allow yourself to live in the fullness of who you ARE created to be? 

We're always going to be refined, we're always going to be growing and changing and He'll be moving us to new places... but there's an importance to being able to find our identity in Christ and being satisfied with who we are at the core.

I'd urge you to, instead of being discouraged about not being the woman that YOU want to be, pray and ask that the Lord might make you very confident of the woman that HE wants you to be... and to live in the freedom that brings.  'Cause you're beautiful and worth it....  embrace who you are, sweet girl.  

Because God saw all that He had made it was good...

very good.  

* * *

Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles. 

Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.  

You're not alone.  

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