The most recent one of these came about while listening to several episodes of Community as a friend and I were attempting to be crafty. In one episode (they're all a blur at this point), Brita acknowledges that she doesn't want to date her ex-boyfriend but she doesn't want him to date anyone else. Blog.
How many times have we thought (or said) the very same thing ourselves?
For example: After a 5-year hiatus from dating between my high school days and my post-college days I met a boy one summer that I decided to take the plunge with. Mostly I think it had been so long since someone had wanted to date me, I felt obligated to give it a shot. I tried... I really did. I did things like write notes back and forth, spend time with him, give him my journal from my freshman year of college so he could get to really know me (don't ever do this)...
It just wasn't happening. So we broke up. And then two weeks later we started dating again. And then a few weeks later I got a reality check again and we broke up... again. It was one of those relationships you feel awkward about when you're watching it happen.
I knew I wasn't ever going to be with this guy, I knew I didn't want to be with this guy- but there was still something alluring about the fact that he had wanted me. I didn't want to let go of it. We went our separate ways after the summer and kept up through email a bit. He sent me songs like "Don't Give Up" by Sanctus Real... and eventually, one day through some Facebook stalking, I saw that another girl was in the picture. While I knew we were just friends, there was still something painful about it. He had moved on...I really wasn't what he wanted or needed. I had wanted to keep him around for a while so I could at least wallow in the idea that there was someone out there who wanted me, even if we weren't together. It was a way I could still feel good about myself, a way I could still feel wanted.
I had written him a letter toward the end of our relationship that I hadn't wanted to give him because it really meant good-bye. I think these are often the things we want to do and even think we should do, but find logical reasons not to do. It's usually that we are too scared to really let go of certain guys because we aren't sure if anyone else will come along... the mentality of, "maybe this is as good as it gets?" creeps in. After he started seeing this other girl, I knew I had to really release him, and sent him what I had written. This is what part of the note said:
She's going to be amazing. She's going to compliment you
completely, give you all that you really need, all that you've wanted.
You won't have to work hard, you won't have to feel like you need to
save her. She'll be perfect for you and challenge you simply by who
she is.
She isn't me.
Sometimes I wish otherwise--but I think we both need to move on
completely. No holding onto what might have been, or even what was.
No lingering in hopes and dreams--no falsely placing each other in our
lives where we don't belong.
I said before that I didn't want to lose you. And I don't--but I
think that I must. I have to lose you. Completely.
If you're still holding onto someone, or the idea of someone, simply because you're fearful of the unknown or the idea of being single again or that no one else will come along-- you're holding on for all the wrong reasons.
If you know it's never going to happen--do both of yourselves a favor...let go and move on. Tell them that you aren't the one for them, and graciously walk out of their lives.
We have to stop being people who cling to things, especially people, because we are finding some sort of worth in them.
Sometimes I think the most loving thing we can do is walk away.
Let him move on with his life...
It's time to say good-bye.
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Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles.
Let's bring light to the darkness, truth to the lies, and hope to the hopeless.
You're not alone.
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