Personally, I am scared to open up my
heart too much to men. When I do open up, I second-guess myself. I think
because I had planned on marrying my ex. We dated 4 years and that was the
closest relationship I've ever had with a guy, obviously. Because it took me 2
years to get over, and was really painful, I think I've partly regretted that
relationship. If I was interested in a guy and it turns out he did want to date
me, it probably wouldn't take long before I closed up and became very cautious.
Any thoughts on that? Is that bad?
It makes sense
that you would respond this way. Is it
bad? Well, it probably isn’t good.
I think the
thing that stands out most to me is the fact that you’re already aware that you
would most likely react this way. It’s
almost as if you’re not giving yourself a chance to act differently. You’ve pre-ordained how it will be if this
specific situation were to arise.
Ultimately, you
get to decide. You get to decide if
that’s bad or not. You get to decide if
that’s the way you respond. You get to decide if this is the way that you want
to live—alone and shutting out the world around you because you’re fearful of
pain.
I catch myself
doing this a lot, actually—closing off, proceeding with caution…testing the
waters, so to speak. In this, it’s
almost as if I'm asking, “Am I worth it? Do you think I'm worth it?” And somehow I think that if the answer to that
question is yes, it means that I'm safe…that I’ll never know pain like I’ve
known in the past.
Reality?
No matter who
we open ourselves up to, the very act of opening ourselves up creates a vulnerability
within causing us to be exceptionally sensitive and full of expectation for the
other person. Especially as females, I think
we’re pretty stellar at setting others up to fail.
You’re going to
get hurt. Even the most beautiful
marriages are filled with spouses hurting each other in some capacity…sometimes
on a daily basis, in the smallest of ways.
We get to decide to forgive…and forgive….and forgive… and we humbly accept the
forgiveness constantly, too. After all, we’re commanded to bear with each other and forgive …
I suppose I want us all to get to the point where we decide it’s worth
it. Where we decide to get over ourselves
and our fears and take the plunge. Sometimes this is a daily battle, especially when you’re in the midst of
recognizing that you’re closing off and being cautious. It also requires us to be in a place where we aren't allowing others to dictate our worth and where we aren't relying on them to sustain us, or complete us, or fulfill us.
There’s just a depth, a beauty, a better understanding of who Jesus is
and why He came…a better understanding of why love and grace are so necessary…
when we allow ourselves be known and seek to know others intimately.
Don’t rob yourself (and someone else) of the joy of walking through the
good stuff AND the hard stuff with them because you are afraid.
Don’t be crazy in the ways you seek to close yourself off…but don’t be
crazy in the ways you chase after love, either.
Let him pursue you. And don’t let
the past define your future.
I’d encourage you to start asking the Lord to prepare your heart now for what is to come...ask Him to take and seal it. May your trust and your identity ultimately
be found in Him and Him alone.
* * *
Send in your own stories of something you have done, thought, or said that might be a bit 'crazy'... Send in your own questions and struggles.
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