Saturday, June 9, 2012

When Boys Distract

Are boys a distraction?

I think when we enter into intense times of ministry we tend to immediately gravitate toward a resilient, 'YES'.

But, I've been wondering lately if that's this really unhealthy way to view male companionship and even our natural desires to be attracted to one another. What if deterring relationships and romance only serves to be detrimental to us in the long run?

We, as Christians, get so wrapped up in the need to only focus on the Lord that we don't then know how to cope with a counterpart when they enter into the picture. Suddenly we fear that we've created an idol and now it must be sacrificed immediately. Hurry! He's becoming a distraction... expel him from your life.  You're thinking about him too much, you're spending too much time with him, you're not focused on your job or your ministry or even God because you've made this guy out to be the most important thing.

Sure. These things can always be true, but it doesn't mean they have to be. I think I spent a large portion of my life feeling as there was no alternative though. Feeling like men weren't an option and that liking men was the wrong thing. Whenever romantic feelings started to develop, guilt would accompany them....and then frustration would bloom. 'Not again... why can't I be around godly men and not end up liking one of them or at least thinking about the possibilities of what dating one of them would be like? Why do I always focus on guys and not on the Lord? Why... why... why??'

And now that I'm older, I just think... 'DUH!' Why wouldn't you like them, or wonder, or try to find out if there was a possibility of something more? Does finding someone else romantically attractive always have to be distraction? Does liking someone always have to be a bad thing? At what point does a relationship become encouraging, inspiring, motivating, life-giving...? At what point do you decide that being with someone might be better than remaining single?

There has to be a balance, right?

I guess I'd like for you to consider your motives. I'd like for you to consider whether or not the romance is really taking away from your greater purpose. Perhaps, if you find yourself changing every routine in life for the sake of getting to be around your crush more, you should cut out the distraction and regain focus.

But, if you're a woman who is pursuing the Lord wholeheartedly and there just happens to be a man that you find attractive right by your side... I don't think you need to freak out about him being a distraction. I don't think you need to manipulate or control or make him your sole reason for existence... but maybe let yourself be open-minded about the possibilities.

You don't have always have to sacrifice important things in your life.
God still wants to bestow good upon you.
Believe it.

You get to choose whether or not liking a guy becomes a distraction. Liking him, in and of itself, is not. It's how you think about him, how you act around him, how you treat others (and your responsibilities) that becomes the issue.

Live with integrity. Don't lose sight of your focus or your purpose. But... heck, let yourself be interested in quality guys. There's no reason to punish yourself unnecessarily. And if you're using the whole, 'I don't want to be distracted' as a reason to try and avoid getting hurt... that's a whole other issue we won't get into now.

But tonight I won't sit here and say that boys are a distraction.
There is freedom.
Live wisely in it.

* * *

Your entries will remain anonymous