From the Mouths of Men

I had the opportunity to talk to a handful of godly men and hear a few of their thoughts and opinions on women and romance, specifically women being 'crazy' in romance.  It was a scattered conversation, full of interruptions, laughter, and honesty. While we had focused primarily on what women could do differently, there was a recognition that men also have room to grow- and you'll see it hinted throughout. As we lounged in a living room, the following conversation unfolded:

Me: So what things do girls do that you think are ‘crazy’?
Guy1: whoa, you want a complete list? This will be the longest blog post in blog post history…
Guy 3: Don’t be flaky
Guy 2: Don’t read too much into something a guy says
Guy 3: Just don’t read too much into stuff… right?
Guy 2: Yeah, don’t over analyze it
Guy 3: Just be cool.
Guy 2: I think that pretty much sums it up 

Me: What does that mean, though…. ‘be cool’? 

Guy 3: That’s a hard question because ideally it’d be easy to be cool and not over-analyze things, but then I think we can also over-analyze things too, right?
Guy 2: Guys? Yeah.
Guy 1: But this is about what girls can do better.
Guy 3: Don’t come onto people too strong. If you’re too obsessive over someone…
Guy 2: Yeah…Being obsessed over someone is just gonna wanna make them...
Guy 3: …run away in the other direction
Guy 2: Yeah!
Guy 3: ...especially if there’s no interest there.
  

Me: So if a girl is interested in you, is it better for her to never ever say anything to you about it?  

Guy 1: No.
Guy 3: No- if a girl says, ‘hey wanna hang out some time’ and you say, ‘yeah, sure’ but it doesn’t work out the second time then let it go.
Guy 1: The problem is is that girls say things like, ‘hey let’s hang out’ and when she says that what she means is 'can we go on a date', but what she’s saying is ‘let’s hang out’.

Me: So really, probably the bigger issue is that..  

Guy1: ...girls never say what they mean. I don’t think it’s bad for a girl to let a guy know she’s interested in him, but..

Guy 3: if she’s honest from the beginning than we can be like, 'we’re sorry…no' 

Guy 1: Right. Like anything, if you put yourself out there you have to be ready for ‘thanks, but no thanks’. Typically if a guy says, 'I'm not interested'... he means, 'I'm not interested' 

Guy 2: Maybe it’s my mistake because in the past I’ve been like, 'hey, I'm not interested, but you’re still cool for being willing to put yourself out there'…but maybe I shouldn’t have included the ‘good job’ because that made it seem like there was still some hope… 

Me: Here’s a question- I feel like Christian girls are told a lot that they shouldn’t pursue and so they always feel like they’re in this mode of waiting.  

Guy 1: There’s a difference between pursuing and letting some guy know that if he pursues you that you’re gonna go along with it. 

Me: Like in the waiting you don’t have to be like 'I'm never going to date you.' 

Guy 1: Right, you don’t have to play the overly chaste prude… but at the same time, I don’t think that telling a guy that you find him to be agreeable is pursuing him necessarily. 

Me: Even if she's the one who initiated it? 

Guy 1: I think that if a girl says, “Hey, I think you’re great and I’d like to spend more time with you and get to know you better” and then left it at that, that’s okay.

Guy 3: ...and then it’s your turn to respond 

Guy 2: Right, and if they DON’T respond, it also probably means that they weren’t interested.

Me: Would you, as a guy, feel like she had pursued you? I think a lot of times as women we hear that men want to pursue and they want to chase after the women – that there’s a thrill in that for them.

Guy 3: That SHOULD be the case...

Guy 2: I feel like if there’s a girl I'm interested in.. 

Guy 3: I’ll tell her 

Guy 2: Yeah, I’ll tell her. 

Guy 3: I’ll tell you if I'm interested in you. If I don’t tell you I'm interested in you, then I'm NOT interested in you. 

Me: So then a girl should really just wait for you if she doesn’t want to put herself out there and not be heartbroken? 

Guy 1: Yes.

Me: ‘Cause if a guy really likes a girl then he will do something about it. 

Guy 3: That’s what they SHOULD do, but they probably won’t because most guys are lazy and scared. 

Guy 4: I think it’s okay for a girl to let the guy know and then to tone down everything else. There’s this quote I heard a long time ago and I think it’s really true.  It’s some old dead dude- it’s a poem:  “She is not fair to outward view, as many maidens be; Her loveliness I never knew. Until she smiled on me.”  So I think it’s okay for her to let a guy know and then that’s the end of the pursuit on her side and then it’s up to the guy to respond. 

Guy 3: And I definitely think the guy should be the leading role…like taking things where they go relationally, but it’s not terrible for her to…. She doesn’t have to go hide in her shell… ‘cause if you’re hiding in your shell nobody is ever going to see you or know that you’re there. Be yourself! (it’s a quote from Aladdin…you can use it) 

Guy 2: If she does tell me that she’s interested in me or something like that, that alone is not going to make me dislike her or not be interested in her.  It’s not a dealbreaker for a girl to let you know she’s interested..

This wasn't the end of the conversation...as we then began to talk more about why men don't always pursue the women they are interested in.  But, that's another post for another day.

Curious to hear more thoughts- from both men and women alike.
Men- do you agree with the things these other men have said?
Women- what's your response? Is it okay for you to let guys know you're interested in some capacity?

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