learning to dance.

Men,

Do you know that you can melt our hearts with just a few words?

Do you know that the smallest touch of your hand can cause us to lie awake at night?

Do you know that we are waiting for you? All the time? 

You see, many of us have grown up in world where we’ve been taught that you will pursue us, that you will fight for us, that you will let nothing get in the way of being with us. 

… and so we wait… and we hope…

We wonder if you think about us.

We wonder if you want to spend time with us.

We wonder if you notice the clothes we wear or the extra time we spent getting ready because we knew we’d see you. 

This doesn’t necessarily change when we finally get to be with you, either.  We still want to be pursued, we still want you to fight for us, we still want you to let nothing get in the way of spending time with us.  We want to know you think about us, we want you to notice the extra pains we take in dressing up for you. 

I'm not saying that this mentality is right… but I'm saying that this is what it is for a lot of us.  I think I recognize that a lot of us women believe that you can fill a void that you were never intended to fill, and because of that you often feel as though you can never be enough of what we need. You’re probably right.  You can’t be enough—you were never intended to be.  

I'm sorry for the unreasonable things we’ve asked of you, I'm sorry for our self-absorption, I'm sorry for our controlling and often manipulative scheming…but I'm not sorry for wanting to be pursued, desired, and loved.

So, let’s make a deal…

We will strive to not place impossible expectations on you. 

We will strive to find our identity and our worth in our Savior and not in you, or our relationship with you, or even the thought of a relationship with you.

We will strive to stop controlling and manipulating situations when they aren't going the way that we hoped for our dreamed of.

We will strive to trust the Lord with our hearts and trust you mean what you say (instead of always anticipating there is something hidden in your words).  

Be gracious and patient with us—this goes against everything that we’ve been believing our entire lives.  But, we’re trying.  We know that ultimately you can’t save us, you can’t sustain us, you can’t heal us, you can’t complete us...

But will you remember that your words DO matter, that your touch IS important, that we ARE waiting for you?

Will you be honest with us?

Will you tell us how you really feel about us (even if you think it might hurt our feelings)?

Will you double check your actions and not lead us astray if you truly aren’t interested in us?

Will you affirm us when you know we need it, not when we ask for it? 

Will you take a chance on us, even when you don’t know the outcome?

And we will try to be gracious and patient with you--as we recognize we don't always make this easy on you and that we do our fair share of hurting, confusing and leading on. 

I can't help but wonder what it might look like if each gender were willing to admit our faults, allow grace to become a natural part of our existence, and sought to communicate in a way that exuded love and true selflessness... 

Let’s learn to dance together.

A beautiful dance of forgiveness and second chances. 

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