It's such an interesting phrase.
This idea of falling makes it seem as though it cannot be helped. It implies a lack of control. We have fallen and we cannot get back up.
I think my problem with such a term is the emotion that's caught up in it. We allow our emotions to carry us to places that serve only to rip our hearts out of our chests. There's no rational thought--instead there's a hunger for romance, desire, passion fueling us.
We've attached love to an emotion...and so when all the emotions have faded we then detach ourselves from love.
"I just don't love him anymore."
"I've fallen out of love with you."
And, again, it's suddenly out of our control. We peace out because we're unhappy, because we're unfulfilled, because we've been wronged, because the passion is gone, because suddenly the lights turned on and we've realized that he's not perfect. It's gotten hard.
I'd venture to say that this is when love gets real.
This is when love moves past emotions into a realm of selflessness, patience, keeping no record of wrongs, kindness...not being jealous. This is when love has everything to do with actions vs. feelings. This is when we realize that love isn't about our happiness.
"I deserve to happy."
"I just want to find someone who makes me happy."
Really?
Do you?
I get fired up about this--because I mostly think we're just a bunch of quitters. I think we've got this notion in our head that love must be wrapped up in how we feel, and if we're suddenly not feeling it, we must get rid of it.
We get out of marriages, friendships, relationships, jobs, parenting, other commitments because they're no longer making us happy. I have to wonder if the problem isn't with those things, but if it actually resides deep within us (another conversation for another day).
Love requires a putting on...and it requires making the decision to do so.
When I tell someone I love them, I don't want them to think it's this supernatural, accidental thing--that can come and go at a moment's notice. What kind of commitment is that?? Rather, when I tell someone I love them I want them to know that it's a choice that I'm making, it's a commitment I'm promising to. It's more than a fleeting emotion, and it has everything to do with persevering and hoping and trusting.
You're not falling in love. You're choosing to love.
You're not falling out of love. You're choosing to stop loving.
Put on love today.
Don't give up on loving someone else just because you don't feel like it.
Do it-- live in it, act in it, persevere through it.
Not because you necessarily want to, but because you are commanded to.
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