"I Put Dating on Hold"

"I've decided I need to be single for a while."

I wouldn't say I've encountered many young women who have 'kissed dating goodbye' necessarily, but I would say that a lot of Christian girls go through a phase where they declare singleness. Sometimes there's a time frame attached to such a declaration, and sometimes there's not.

It's this mark that we are really going to start taking our relationship with the Lord seriously. We realize that men have become a distraction, that we're idolizing them, that we're forgetting our identity is found only in Christ.... or, at least, these are the things we tell ourselves and the circles we hang out in.

I'd argue that it's more an act of control. Because the dating realm is so often out of our control (as in, we are unable to dictate who likes us, who wants to dates us...even, to some degree, who we find ourselves romantically interested in) it becomes much easier for us to cut ourselves off from it.

Subconsciously it's as though the following things can run through our minds when we make such a decision:


If I commit myself to singleness for 'x' amount of time...
...then maybe a man will come along my path after I've fully surrendered to the Lord...
...then my heart won't be crushed every time things don't work out with someone...
...then I won't even have a chance to get my hopes up...
...then I won't look desperate and then I could potentially be even more desirable...
...maybe then I'll feel like my relationship with the Lord is where it is supposed to be...

I think we want to make such a firm commitment to singleness after we've been rejected, when we feel uncertain, when we're lonely, when we feel out of control...

It makes us feel better to be in control of our love life. It makes us feel like we're calling the shots and we can regulate who has access to our hearts. If we can't control it in any other way, at least we can feel like we're the ones deciding on singleness for ourselves instead of letting others decide, instead of continually enduring the torture of feeling like no one ever wants us or that we'll never be good enough.

And then I've laughed to myself, on more than one occasion, when a girl who had sworn a vow of singleness ends up dating someone a few days, weeks, month later.

My point?
Don't make a vow of singleness because you are tired of rejection, hurt, loneliness, never feeling good enough. Don't make a vow of singleness and mask it with overly spiritual intentions. 'Cause, if we're being honest, if the 'right' guy rolled around and wanted to date you, it'd be ridiculous not to (unless you're in high school...'cause then I have a whole other set of thoughts for you on dating).

Be open to a world of opportunity...which also means being open to a world of risk.
Let it be out of your control. Truly.
He's not asking you for singleness.  He's asking for obedience.

After all....to obey is better than sacrifice...

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