I broke up with him the next day.
While it was high school and I was only 15, I wish I could say that my shallowness has faded over the years....
Fast-forward 8 years. I'm dating a guy after 5 years of not dating anyone. We haven't been dating long, so we're still in the whole 'getting to know you' stage of our relationship. One night we decided to kick a soccer ball around. I kept hoping the situation would get better, but after 20 minutes of chasing down balls that he had toe-kicked, my attraction for him waned as I realized his lack of athletic ability. It wasn't so much that he sucked at soccer, but more that he had given off the impression that he was super awesome at it (it doesn't help when you walk around carrying a net bag of soccer balls with you everywhere you go...).
I broke up with him a few days later.
The whole soccer thing wasn't the reason why I broke it off, but it certainly didn't help matters much.
I'm not claiming to be any sort of expert on relationships, but I've ended a decent amount of relationships for really ridiculous reasons. Some of them I'm glad ended when they did, and others were ones that I immediately regretted and suffered the pain from for months and years afterward.
In case you're super shallow and superficial like me-- here a few thoughts I have for you that might help sustain your dating life.
Never Break Up with Someone...:
- When you're unable to think rationally. Chances are, you'll regret it the next day. If you're in the middle of a fight or if you're really upset it's easy to convince yourself that breaking up is the easiest solution. Maybe it is, but at some point you'll have to recognize that all relationships take work and that working through the hard stuff is necessary. Be willing to stick with it, to allow yourself time to think/pray through extreme decisions. Don't be that person who breaks up with your significant other one night and then begs for forgiveness the next...
- If it's late at night (this ties into the first point). When we're tired, we are usually not thinking rationally and our emotions are able to consume us. If you're having a heated discussion into the wee hours of the morning...STOP. Make a plan to resume the conversation the next afternoon when you both are alert and have had some time to process.
- Over a physical trait/characteristic. While I broke up with my first serious boyfriend because of a night of questioning his attractiveness, it was one decision that I ended up regretting for months and months. With some time and perspective, I once again found him attractive. I realized the unattraction had been a result of something deeper, of something that I didn't want to admit to myself or him. If something about your significant other suddenly drives you to the point of wanting to end your relationship, it's probably not that thing at all. Be willing to examine what issue is really at stake here and give yourself time to process it.
- If you haven't talked to a 3rd party about it first. I've found that we can create scenarios in our heads really easily and are prone to see things only from our perspective. By talking to someone you know and trust, you can gain some outside awareness of what's really going on. Perhaps you need to own up to some of the things going wrong in your relationship and you need someone other than your significant other to point them out to you in order for you to listen. Be willing to seek advice and wisdom from others.
- Because of something someone else said about them. It's frightening how easily we are influenced by other people's words and how much gossip can corrode our feelings for someone. If you're hearing the same thing from LOTS of people, be willing to pay it heed...but if you're dealing with one person, be ready to squelch rumors and stand by your man (or woman). For example, I once had a friend tell me that the guy I was dating was lazy, and I couldn't get that thought of out my head. Immediately I saw everything my boyfriend did through that filter and it eventually assisted in the demise of our relationship....
- If you think you want to date somebody else. In high school I broke up with a guy because I thought I had a shot with another guy. Didn't work out, so I begged for my boyfriend to take me back. He did... which was dumb of him. But, it was dumb of me in the first place to peace out on something good for the potential of something better. I think this is where we get in trouble with marriages--because it's how we've trained while we are dating. We are in something good (even if it's hard sometimes), but something else looks like it could be better. You won't know until you try it, right? Wrong. Be someone who sticks by your commitment. Chances are, your feelings for that other person will fade when you realize the novelty of something different isn't always as good as what you have already built with someone.
I guess it all comes back to being willing to persevere and finding someone that you think is worth it to keep pressing on with. If you've found someone that you want to keep choosing each day, don't let yourself get caught up in the emotions and the humanness that often causes us to lose sight of what relationships are really about.
If you think you want to break up with someone, be willing to give it time and considerable thought and prayer. There's no need to make rash decisions (unless you're in physical danger, or something). I think you'll find that a large majority of the time, you'll realize your reasons are no longer good enough and you'll be thankful you chose to stick it out.
But, that's just my two cents. There are always exceptions, there are always deal-breakers... and there's always the choice.
And remember that it's not just your heart on the line anymore...there's more at stake now.
Go forth with a rational mind before your withdraw yourself from this relationship this time. Be confident in your decision... and whatever choice you make, be willing to stick with it (especially if you decide to end it).
Good luck out there.
No comments:
Post a Comment