Is it ever okay to ask women if they're on their periods?I laughed when I heard it, thinking of one of the more recent episodes of Modern Family. When all 3 women in his family are obviously on their periods, Phil's advice to the boys is the following:
The first rule of dealing with the cycle? You never mention the cycle...you tiptoe around it. The woman has actually taken great pains to hide the monster she's become, but if you acknowledge it, that brings the monster forth.There's probably some truth to it, honestly (aside from the fact that the raging emotions typically come prior to the period--what we refer to as PMS). In some strange world we are able to recognize when our moods are highly irrational due to PMS and we are trying desperately to mask the fact that we feel like everything around us is wrong. When guys bring it up, it makes us realize how terrible of a job we're doing at hiding it and so we become even more irritated/frustrated with ourselves for that, and then with them for having the audacity to point it out.
Now...it's a complicated question because every woman is going to react differently to such a question....and no woman will probably react the same way twice to the question, especially if the guess is correct.
A few suggestions in navigating your way around the emotional instability of a woman in regard to this issue:
- If it's someone that you're close to (wife, girlfriend, best friend, sister, mom) it may be appropriate to have a conversation about it when you know they are not currently PMSing. Let them know honestly how they tend to act about things during this time and ask them how they'd like you to respond to them. If you do as they suggest and things still don't go well, you'll have at least tried.
- If it's someone you aren't close to, but have to be around frequently (co-worker, neighbor, house mate) you can gauge whether or not this would be an appropriate conversation given the need to work through conflict and figure out a way to live harmoniously. If having a conversation is completely out of the question, don't be afraid to steer clear for a few days.
- If you don't know them very well at all, just steer clear. No use in bringing it up if it'll pass.
- If you can't steer clear or they aren't responding to any of the agreed upon responses, it may be best to just try and hold your tongue. Or, at some point... you can tell them how ridiculous they're being. It may be good a wake up call for them.
The question, itself, may need to be revised. Not many women will respond well to, 'So are you on your period or something?' Be willing to approach the situation as you would with any conflict, asking questions, listening....instead of jumping to rash conclusions.
Mostly because when you ask that question, you might as well be saying, 'So are you being a total *&$#@ because you're on your period? Or are you just being a total *&$#@?' It's not really great, no matter how you ask it.
All that to say... probably don't ever ask the question, 'Are you on your period?'... ('cause when you're wrong, that's just as much of a disaster) but be willing to talk about her attitude and mood if you need to. Find out what's going on, as you would with anyone in turmoil, without jumping immediately to the 'period' conclusion.
Remember that every woman is different, too. Allow them to be different. What worked for one, may not work for another.
And women, PMSing isn't an excuse for being a complete jerk. Ultimately, there's always such a thing a self-control... you always get to choose how you respond to things. It's best to be aware of your emotions and when they might be heightened because you will, usually, have to be more on guard of what comes out of your mouth when your hormones are all jacked up. You aren't exempt from loving others a few days every month because you're more easily annoyed. We are responsible for our actions/words at all times, no matter what's going on with our bodies.
Oh, the beauty of communication... and learning how to co-exist with the opposite gender.
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