Say what you mean to say!

A guy friend of mine recently said, 'Debbie, you should write a blog about how people just need to say what they want to say sometimes!'

Hmmm.
As I poked and prodded a little more to find out what he was getting at, I thought it was a good point. A good point because as we continued the conversation in the midst of a sand volleyball game, I heard my boyfriend (in my head) pointing out the thousands of times I never say what I'm actually wanting to say.

Apparently this isn't a problem limited to just me, either (thank goodness).

My friend gave me an example... purely hypothetical, I imagine..
A girl says that she's just find with the amount of time she is spending with her boyfriend, but in reality she is upset that they aren't spending more time together.

As I sit here and continue to think about it, I'm aware of the amount of times this type of thing happens all the time in so many different types of relationships. We hate stepping on people's toes, we hate looking like we're selfish or unsatisfied... so, instead, we quietly mumble and groan about all the things someone isn't doing for us, with us, to us. Somewhere along the line, expectations haven't been met.

Meanwhile, in the process of mumbling and groaning, we are hoping that we'll eventually get over it. Sometimes we do, but I'd venture to say a lot of times we don't. Instead of getting over it, these things continue to build up and we eventually explode. Suddenly extremes pop out--they have done everything wrong and we're inconsolable.

Let's flesh out this hypothetical situation a little more. Girl doesn't want to bring up the fact that she'd like to spend more time with her boyfriend because she doesn't want to be too needy or emotional or high-maintenance. She tries to keep her cool and be thankful for the time they do get to spend together. But, every time he chooses to do something other than hang out with her, she can't help but feel a little wounded by his actions... she can't help but feel like other things are a priority over her.... because now it feels like he is always choosing something over her. She finally brings it up (most likely when she is in an emotional state) and her words are accusing because they come from a place of feeling hurt and abandoned. He's totally caught off guard because he felt like they'd been spending quite a lot of time together and she always seemed really cool about him spending time with the guys...and every time he'd ask her if she was okay with it, she always said it was fine.

I imagine things might have gone a little differently if she had been a little more honest about her feelings from the beginning.

Isn't that true of all of our relationships though? We don't say the things we really mean because we're scared. We're scared of hurting feelings, we're scared of being vulnerable, we're scared of coming across a certain way, we're scared of rejection... and so we live our lives full of miscommunication.

What would it look like if you told everyone what you really thought?
If you don't like him, tell him. No need to dodge around this one.
If she's doing something that's super annoying, it's okay to confront it and explain how it's affecting you negatively. She probably doesn't know she's doing it and no one likes to be that annoying girl...
If your boyfriend/girlfriend asks you something- try being honest with them about it. Don't expect them to read your mind... 'cause guess what? It's impossible and they'll just fail you over and over again if you don't tell them what you're hoping for, wanting, desiring as you walk through things in your relationship.
If you really don't care about something, fine. But if you do care, don't say that you don't. I know sometimes you're trying not to be selfish, or cause problems... but there's no point in lying about it. Lots of times people can see right through it anyway and then it's just extra annoying that you're not saying what you really feel. Oh, not to mention lying has got a whole lot of darkness surrounding it...

So...
Get over whatever it is that's holding you back from being honest with some of the closest people in your life. Say what you mean to say, especially when asked.
How's that for practical, tangible advice?

Go out and get 'em today, tigers.

* * *

Submit Your Stories/Questions/Struggles Here

Your entries will remain anonymous