Saturday, March 3, 2012

Pity Party

I was always really against Online Dating. As much as I wanted to meet the right guy, I felt that taking the online route would only scream desperation. So...I refrained. Surprisingly....

It so happened that many moons ago (while I was still in college) one of my brothers contacted me about a girl he had met that I had worked at camp with. Random...because he was in Florida and she was in Texas. Turns out he had met her through eHarmony. If my cool brother was willing to succumb to online dating, maybe it wasn't half bad? Well... he hadn't actually signed up for it. He filled out some free personality profile and then was able to review all of his matches for free...where he had encountered this random acquaintance of mine. Small world.

So, I thought I should at least give it a shot. It was free, and if nothing else, it would be funny.

I began Step #1--the Relationship Questionnaire so I could receive my FREE Personality Profile. I spent over an hour responding to what felt like thousands of questions about my personality, how I handle relationships, what types of things I enjoy.... it was endless.

Step #2 was going to allow me to review my 'selected, high-compatible matches' for FREE! This was the part I was looking forward to. What kind of crazies were they going to match me with? What kind of crazies sign up for online dating, anyway??

When I went to review I found myself on a page that basically said something along these lines, "We're sorry, but we cannot provide you with a Personality Profile. Because we guarantee a ______ (I forget what it was) percent rate of success, we cannot match you with anyone." Essentially there was no one in their database that I could successfully be paired with.

I never made it to Steps #2, 3 or 4...
Rejected from Online Dating. How does that even happen? That's supposed to be the thing that you resort to when nothing else seems to be working, when life seems to be void of available men, when you're wanting to feel good about yourself and there's suddenly a plethora of guys who are knocking down your virtual door.

I can laugh about it now. I mean, I laughed about it then... but at the time I couldn't help but wonder what was so wrong with me that even a dating service full of 20 million registered users was unable to find a suitable match for me...

It felt hopeless.
I mean, how could it not?
And I probably was a little humiliated.

So- naturally, I threw myself a little pity party. Bust out the sweats, curl up in bed, and put on my tiny party hat that justifies weeping over theoretical loss. Moaning in misery of a horrifying truth that if I couldn't even meet someone online, I would never meet anyone at all. My little violin starting playing, and I sank into a sad and lonely place that I only I knew about.

Ever been there?
Those times when we allow the world to come crashing down around us because we've just been dealt something in the romantic world that feels unbearable, that feels hopeless?
We think, 'What's the point of even trying?'
Oh, friends... it's sometimes as if we place our reason for existence on finding a soulmate (which I'm not convinced even exists). We become delusional and lose sight of purpose beyond this one area of life when there's so much more life to be lived.

I suppose I wonder how much time we waste throwing ourselves pity parties when things don't go the way we want them to (especially in dating/marriage). I wonder what life might look like if we refrained from letting our emotions get the best of us and pushed through to find an even greater joy and reason for existence. If we truly trusted the Lord and walked in the fullness of what He is asking us to do...living out a purpose that extends beyond ourselves (that whole dying to ourselves thing...). 

So-- I'm crashing your pity party today.
Get over yourself.
Get out of bed.
Do something for someone else.
Find purpose in something eternal.

Ha- and if you're still just feeling sad, the good news is that you still probably have online dating as an option (I support it--I've had a few friends get married because of it).
And if you get rejected from that, too? Then you can come talk to me.

Let's think beyond this one realm of life and move into something greater and more fulfilling.  Something that, inevitably, has nothing to do with us.

Hmmm... what would that be like...


* * *

Your entries will remain anonymous

1 comment: