Stoned.

The Comment: 

John 13:34-35 is really tough right now. How can I love everyone including those who constantly ridicule and make fun of me. I know, i know, love your neighbor as yourself, but that doesn't work for me because I don't even like myself. Praying for people I don't particularly like makes me not HATE them but it's not an easy thing to love those who make my life miserable. I want to love but it's against all my natural instincts, I'm stuck in the Romans 7 trap. Any suggestions, experiences, and help appreciated. 

I hate this for you...and I fear my only advice will be things you've heard over and over again. I wish I could slap every bully around and tell them the ramifications of their actions and words, but these are the times when I recognize I can't change people. Neither can you.

My thoughts though?
I suppose I don't know why you're constantly being ridiculed or made fun of...but I honestly think that if we are claiming Christ, we should expect to be. I think as Christians we try to fit in too much, we try to be cool, we try not blend in unnoticed. I'm not saying go out of your way to be uncool (see tomorrow's post about this) to prove a point, but I am saying that it's very clear throughout Scripture that believers will be made fun of and ridiculed (and even killed).

Without knowing much of your circumstances, when I read your comment I immediately thought of Stephen. Check out his story in Acts 6-7 if you're not familiar with it. He's preaching truth, telling people about Jesus... he's seized and put on trial before the Sanhedrin. He gives a speech that rubs them all the wrong way, so they start throwing rocks at him. This is his response:

While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

Really Stephen? They're stoning you and you can find it somewhere within you to beg for grace on their behalf? I get that Jesus could do it, but you? A mere man?

That's what I would want to ask him if I could.
Because, my friend, I don't know how to love those that constantly tear you down, that bully you, that persecute you, that give you no reason to want to love them... but I know that we're called to. Jesus very clearly states it: But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you... 


I suppose, like you said, that it is one of the most unnatural things we can do. In fact, I think it's something we're incapable of on our own. I think that's why we're asked to do it--because when we walk in forgiveness constantly, we're relying on the Lord to constantly do a miracle in our hearts.

I think some of the most beautiful stories I've heard and experienced are the ones where the gospel is presented in a tangible way. Stories where forgiveness is offered when it isn't asked for, when it isn't deserved. Author Timothy Keller said, "God's grace and forgiveness, while free to the recipient, are always costly for the giver."


It isn't fair. 
It just isn't. 
It costs a lot, and it hurts, and it doesn't always feel worth it. 
But, I think there can be something beautiful to getting to know your persecutors, or simply recognizing that their words and their actions come from a deeper loneliness and hurt and insecurity than you might imagine. That beyond the cruelty, there lies a soul that needs Jesus just as much as you and I do. 


And so as much as it hurts, as much as they torment and make life unbearable...I pray, first, that you find your identity and your confidence in Christ--their words/acts don't define you. I then pray that you would beg Him to be the one that loves them through you (I think being fully honest with the Lord in your lack of desire to want to love them might be a huge step in this). And I pray that you just decide it's worth it... that they're worth it. That no matter the cost to you, loving them is worth it if it means Christ is revealed, if it means one of them gets it (even if you never, ever know about it). 


You can't do it, my friend. You just can't. 
Which is why it will be a miracle when you do. 

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