I hate those moments. Sometimes they cause panic to surface...and sometimes they result in total surrender. Obviously the latter is preferred, but sometimes the crazy just comes out.
The big 'a-ha' moment came when I realized I don't have control over others....I can't change them.
"Duh, Debbie..." is what you're all probably thinking right now...
BUT- I think we live life thinking that we can to some degree. I think we have the tendency to try to change people, even if somewhere in our minds we know that we can't. We desire to mold and shape them into the perfect boyfriend, roommate, friend, co-worker, boss, parent, sibling... and by perfect I mean that they'll eventually do and say and be all the things we want them to be.
Think about it...
How often do you offer suggestions to others, in hopes that they'll eventually catch on? Or maybe we use sarcasm to reveal our true thoughts on someone's personality or habits...with the slight desire that they won't take it seriously enough to have their feelings hurt, but just enough to change things up a bit. We might be bold enough to just tell them the things we wish were different. Or maybe we'll talk about them and hope that someone else might be willing to confront them once we've gossiped ourselves silly. Perhaps we're just inwardly hoping and pleading that maybe this time it'll be different...
I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm not very good at letting people just be who they are. I know I'm overly critical, and I know I have unrealistic expectations for everyone around me...
Today was just one of those days when I realized that it doesn't matter what I think about others and it doesn't matter what type of person I want them to be-- even if I have high hopes for them (sometimes I have to wonder if my high hopes for them are exist because of how it will benefit me...that's probably another conversation for another day). Ultimately, I can't make them change.
I can't make you stop choosing to sin.
I can't make you stop being mean to someone else.
I can't make you use good grammar or stop popping your gum so loudly.
I can't make you pray more, or read your Bible, or share your faith more.
I can't make you dance, or sing, or watch a movie with me.
I can't make you grow out your hair, or wash the dishes, or have all the same interests as me.
But I still try sometimes. I still try to mold you and shape you into being the type of person that I think you should be. I take my weird need for perfection and place it on you...that maybe someday you'll eventually meet all my standards for a perfect boyfriend, roommate, friend, co-worker, boss, parent, or sibling.
I'm so sorry.
It really isn't fair of me at all. And the sad part is that you, most likely, feel as though you'll never be good enough for me, while I live life miserably with the imperfection around me. That's a sad state of existence, don't you think?
I don't know if you're like me at all... for your sake, I hope not. But, if you are...join with me. Join with me as I seek to let others be themselves and to let that be good enough. Sure- there's always room to challenge and hope for more...but when all we are offering is failure, maybe we need to be willing to change ourselves before we start thinking others need the adjustments.
I don't have control.
And I don't want to panic about that today.
Today I just want to rest assured that there's a sovereign God who is working in others, moving them in His timing and in His way...
It's not up to me.
Let's make a deal: today I'll let you be you and you let me be me.
Idiosyncrasies, imperfections and all.
Let us sharpen each other, not because of the way we judge and critique one another... but simply by the way that we love.
Beautiful.
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