Sunday, May 27, 2012

I don't have what it takes.

The gong of imperfection strikes again.

My world is filled with a thousand voices asking, pleading, begging to know that they are enough. My own is included in the chorus. Sometimes mine seems louder than the rest, but lately it seems lost in the abyss of the feelings of insufficiency that surround me. 

It would it appear that everyone is asking a question that penetrates down to this idea. When it comes down to it, we're scared that we aren't enough. 

We aren't strong enough, smart enough, fast enough, pretty enough, quiet enough, loud enough, whole enough... We always feel the need to be more, the need to be better, the need to be assured that we have what it takes. 

But what if the truth is simply that we don't have what it takes? 
What if the truth is that we aren't enough? 
What if we aren't strong enough, or smart enough, or fast enough, or pretty enough...? 

And what if that was okay? 

I guess I get worried that we spend so much of our lives disappointed with not being enough (by some ridiculous, earthly standard of 'enough' that we've created, too...) that we forget that maybe that's the point. Maybe, when we're not enough, it gives God a chance to be more than enough. When we are weak, He is strong..

I wonder what it might look like to not be so consumed with myself. What could it look like if I let it be okay when I'm not enough of something and instead of trying to be better, look better, do better, feel better.... what if I trusted God to use my 'not-enoughs' for His glory? 

I think we often feel like we're entitled to feelings of being enough. I think that's the mistake...especially here on earth, especially in the eyes of others. I think our promise is that the Lord is enough. 
'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him'
He is enough.
I am not.
Will I let Him be enough instead of constantly trying to be enough without Him?

Today I'm focused on droning out that small voice within the begs the question of being enough. Today I'm focused on truly letting the Lord be my portion, of admitting when I don't always have what it takes... and letting Christ redeem, save, heal and transform me.

He must become greater.
I must become less.

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1 comment:

  1. I recently wrote this bit for a bio essay to appy to a camp:
    The world puts beauty in a box, but in Psalm 139:13-14 David says, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." God calls everyone wonderful not because of pretty face or a tiny waist but because HE made them. Often I think that I am worthless and not good enough, well that's true by earthly standards, but then I remember this verse. It calls me to praise God for His creation and reminds me that I was made by fearlessly and wonderfully BY God and FOR God.