Examination

It's been a week full of heightened emotions, spiritual realizations, late nights and lots of laughter. It's been a week where a bunch of strangers come together, united through one thing, and they learn to get along because they have the same mission in mind. It's been intense... but it's been so good.

It's made me wonder how good I've become at leading others through things without going through them myself. As my summer staff has sifted through some big questions and had life-altering realizations...I've remained emotionally and spiritually unaffected.

How can that be?

But it makes me think that in a position of leadership, you're not always afforded the time or the energy to not only process how to better lead a group, but what's really going on with you internally. In fact, I wonder how many of us can use leadership as escape mechanism. I know I have.

Honestly, it's probably not exclusive to just leadership... it's probably inclusive of anything that takes up our time. Busyness becomes an excuse for not processing through emotions, not spending time with Jesus, not spending time in true community.

What are you spending the majority if your time on?
Is it work?
School?
Athletics?

What are you using as a deterrent so you don't actually have to examine where your heart is? So you don't have to deal with things that may be hard for you to sift through?

And while you may really have to do all of those things, at what point do we not let it be an excuse for not taking the time or spending the energy on examining where we are really at in the midst of things? I guess the danger lies in the fact that I feel like I can go for long spells where I pour out, where I extend myself, where I work long hours, where I am able to do all the things I'm 'supposed' to do... but I actually have no idea how I'm really doing. And when I don't know how I'm really doing, I live in such a way that is numb or destructive to myself and others.

Think about it.

Making time to know where we're really at is important... and even as I write these words, I realize that I've failed drastically at this. I fear that if I make time, I might crumble under the weight of what lies below the surface... and so I avoid.

But, I need to go there.
Because I don't want to be numb. I don't want to be destroying myself and relationships around me.

It's time to make more time for examination.

What about you?

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