Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Sweet Nothings?

Have you ever had someone whisper sweet nothings into your ear? 

I have. 
I went something like this: 
'Sweet Nothings...

Yes, quite literally. 
I was a young gun at the time, wrapped up in the newly discovered world of college liberties and I suddenly found myself in a passionate embrace with a boy down the hall. Happy Gilmore flashed in the dark dorm room and I was enjoying, what I thought was, a casual night of making out. And then it happened.

'Sweet Nothings.' 
The whispered words felt like they echoed in the room. Did he really just literally whisper 'sweet nothings' into my ear? It was at this point in the make-out session that I realized that maybe this wasn't so casual after all. Granted, I wasn't exactly an expert...but I was quite sure that talking, let alone sweet nothings, ought to be non-existent in such an arrangement. Unsure of any sort of acceptable verbal response and fearful of the eruption of laughter I was trying to stifle, I immediately resumed the kissing. 

It became a complicated situation. In addition to the fact that I actually had a major crush on his roommate and not this guy, it turned out the 'sweet nothings' had stemmed from actual feelings. Crap. 

It wasn't the first time that I had learned the lesson that all guys aren't just all sex. I think I had fooled myself into believing that all men were capable of physical intimacy without any sort of emotional attachment...and so in the moments that I also felt capable of such a feat, I took advantage of it. It's nothing I'm proud of, nothing that I would condone...but, it happened once or twice... 

I think, too often, us women can tend to make a lot of generalizations about the male population. This seems to be one of them. And while, sure, men can engage in sexual things without feeling an ounce of emotional/romantic connection... so can women. We should probably also be aware that there are a lot of men who are not capable of the sexual stuff without the emotional stuff, too. 

I actually think that women might be prone to take advantage of men in this arena. Maybe we just forget that guys have feelings, too. Maybe it's easier for us to think that they only want one thing...because then we don't have to be responsible for their feelings. It gives us room to do whatever we want, with whomever we want...and then to hate them for when they're exactly who we expect them to be. 

All that to say... casual physical intimacy is very rarely ever just casual. Ladies, I hope you consider the fact that men do have feelings and can get hurt the next time you try to strike up a random make-out session or whatever other sexual need you think needs to be fulfilled. I hope you consider it when you're flirting and sexting and putting yourself out there in ways that you're probably ashamed of, convincing yourself that it's not hurting anyone else. It just might be. 

Because even beyond the physical realm, I think we tend to allow men wanting us in any capacity to play on our satisfy a deeper longing. 

If you're not interested in a guy, don't act like it. 
Don't lead him on in the way that you talk to him, in the amount of time you spend with/talking to him, in the way that you touch him, or hug him, or look at him. Don't use him to satisfy something within you that he was never meant to satisfy and will never ultimately satisfy. Don't ever get in a position where he might whisper sweet nothings in your ear. 

Don't prey upon men to get what you want because you think that they're never going to get attached to you. And, if you already know they're interested and you don't back off... well, that's a whole other issue. 

Bottom line: be women of integrity. 
You know the things you do that allow men that you don't like to fulfill certain voids within you. Stop doing them. 


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