Monday, November 19, 2012

All Over

My mind feels too all over the place to write these days.

In a given moment, I could be thinking about:

  • What type of job I'll be able to find in January that will give me the hours and the money I need to live while in school. So, I peruse jobs on the Internet. I might be a nanny. 
  • Body image. I used to think I had a very accurate perception of myself, but now I'm wondering how warped it actually it is. 
  • A new life...and new friends. I can't envision this becoming a reality, no matter how hard I try.
  • The plethora of people I need to contact, respond to... love better. 
  • Whether or not I should stop blogging.
  • How much I think/care too much about what other people think of me. 
  • And how being single forever seems pretty realistic. Sometimes I'm lonely, too. 
  • The book I want to write.
  • Family- and being overwhelmed by my thankfulness for them.
  • Why the little cat isn't cuddled up next to me right now.
  • How much I hate spending money...and how much money I've had to spend lately and will continue to spend for the next three years. 
  • Wanting to cut ties with everything I've known and start anew.
  • How I'm glad the little cat finally decided to join me.
  • God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit....Christianity... and 5,000 other things that fall under this. 
  • How to relate to other people in a way that connects with them and inspires them.
  • My upcoming trip to Africa. 

Yes...that's right. I crawled into bed tonight, thankful that I had a bed to crawl into...and knowing that in just a few weeks, the bed I sleep in will probably be much different. I feel like my mind has been so many other places that I haven't been able to really give much thought to what's happening in my immediate future.

I'm going to Africa.
I'm flying to Amsterdam from Boston on November 30 and meeting up with the rest of my team there. We'll catch a flight down to Uganda and remain for 2.5 weeks. We're hanging out with orphans, we're dedicating a children's home, we're putting on a camp. I don't know what other expectations to have beyond this, and so I feel like I have none. I feel unprepared. I have some long skirts and I'm going to get some vaccines tomorrow. But, in less than two weeks I'll board a plane with a carry-on and a passport and fly across the world.

Maybe it's better that way. Maybe it's better to be expectation-free and feeling slightly unprepared.
But it's time to start praying more diligently for this trip.
Maybe you'll join me.
That even beyond prayers for me and my safety and whatever other prayers seem to flow from our mouths when we don't exactly know what to pray when people travel overseas... that we would genuinely just pray for God to be glorified, above all else. Whatever that means.

One of the mistakes I made in going overseas before was making it all about me. Wanting to see God move in ways that were powerful and life-changing... for me. I wanted to see the miracles I had heard about. I wanted to I could believe.

So, while my mind may be jumping from one thing to the next rather quickly...I know that, right now, I need to focus more on this trip. It's something I have to choose to do. To continuously surrender, to pray for my teammates, to pray for those we'll be interacting with in Uganda... to pray that it would never be about me. To pray that I would have eyes to see the needs of others and I would be quick to react. To pray for boldness and courage. To pray that I would not complain for any reason. To pray that I would give...and give...and give. To pray that I would decrease so that He might increase.

Pray with me, if you'd like.

And in the meantime?
Keep sending me over the things that you'd like to read about...'cause sometimes me blogging feels a bit purposeless if it's not beneficial or relatable to you. What do you want to talk about, read about, hear about? Let's get it all out there on the table.

Thankful for you.

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