Monday, October 1, 2012

Trust & Obey

The comment:
The hard part is talking about my personal "stuff". I'd rather help others than talk about my own prison. I don't want to be judged. It's hard exposing my darkness to light. Is there any easy way to bring up this not so easy topic?? Im afraid that others won't care/ judge me and if they do care I'm not too sure i know how to respond. If He listens, cares, loves and/or with me than why am I still fighting these dragons?! I'm hanging by a thread but want to know and experience this hope and change, but how long of wait is to long! It all seems impossible. How do I find hope and stop doubting?? I'm lost and I'm not sure how to get out or if ill get out.
I received this response to my one of my posts last week. As I was replying, I realized that within this cry for help, there's a bit of all of us.

So many of us are afraid that if we truly open up and share what's going on in the depths of our hearts, that others will either not care or they'll judge us. I know I think that way all the time. I know I've watched others expose some of the most intimate details of their lives, only to be met with awkward silence or a gushing of cliche sentiments about how God is still sovereign and has a plan. And then, if those things don't happen, there's the random chance that they really will care and, because that's so inconsistent to what we know, it's terrifying and we don't know how to respond.

We often let our distrust of others become the reason that we live in isolation, and so our cells grow colder and darker and lonelier. I'm not sure trusting others is the end goal though- only, that's what we tend to focus on. We tend to let our relationships revolve around trust, and whether or not we can divulge our entire beings to someone else will dictate whether someone is worthy of being a true friend.

When I talk about bringing light to darkness, I'm not sure how vital trust is. The point in bringing light to the darkness doesn't seem to be about trust as much as it is about healing. Perhaps, in the process, trust will form and it will be what's necessary...but I think the exposure to the light is all about admitting that we need Jesus. Not that we need others, per se, but that we need Jesus Christ. There's an element of allowing others in and leaning on them, but I don't think it's in such a way that they become our everything, our sole confidant, our life-line. I don't think it's in such a way that we are asked to trust them with our entire beings.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think we, oftentimes, get to hung up on trust issues and we let that become a thing that dominates our life. I don't trust him so I'm not going to date him, I don't trust her so I'm not going to tell her this about my past...and the list could go on...and on and on. And, to some degree, trust needs to be there, yes. But, I think we're fools if we go through life thinking that people are never going to let us down or hurt us. It's within our human nature to do so. I also think we're fools if we go through life always expecting people to hurt us. It is plausible that people can and will surprise us with their loyalty, with showing up, with loving us despite our weaknesses and we ought to let them do that.

Trusting others doesn't mean that they are to be the keeper of all of our secrets and if they don't hold up their end of the bargain they've let us down. Trusting others might simply mean that when they say they care about you or love you, that you'll let them do that... in their own way. Trusting others might mean that you allow their love and care for you to look different than what you might have imagined. Trusting them might mean that when they've told someone your 'secret' that you ultimately know it's because they cared about you (so they ended up telling your mom that you were cutting, or that you have an eating disorder, or that you have a drug problem...).

Unfortunately, trusting others might also mean that they betray you, or you find out that they don't care about you at all. They might judge you. It's part of the risk. But, again, I don't think the letting light in is about trust. It's about healing, and opening up to others is a step in that direction. Don't let others' reactions and sins be the thing that keeps you from walking in freedom.

Trust is important. It's a huge aspect of what it means for us to love others....for love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... So when we live the majority of our lives in distrust, it seems we've missed the mark when we claim to love everyone.

Be willing to take risks.
Be willing to trust the Lord and walk obediently to what He has called you to do...and know that He's going to take care of you in the process. When you're trusting Him with this, when people hurt and betray you.. you'll know that you are secure in something greater.

Never fear, only trust and obey.

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1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this. I've been freaking out about trusting and the future and relationships that haven't even happened and trusting when that time does come...just completely being ridiculous and freaking out. So thank you for posting this. It's exactly what I needed to hear!