Contentment

When's the last time you allowed yourself to truly be content?

You know... satisfied, pleased, fulfilled, at ease...

I think I have the natural tendency to consistently be the antonym of content. There's always something that could be better, whether that's within me or someone else or current circumstances. It's a feeling of constant dissatisfaction. A feeling of misery.

Lately I've been discovering what a crappy existence that is. I think, somewhere along the way, I got it in my head that we must continually be striving for something better. That there was a 'better' to always be obtained. Whether it was a 'better' in school, or sports, or choir, or with my family, or friends, or boyfriend, or relationship with the Lord....being 'content' in those things often felt like settling.

Now I realize that being discontent in those things only brings unhappiness and discord- not only for me, but for those close to me. How do you ever really be in relationship with someone else when they are never content with the current state of things? How do you not always feel like you're doing something wrong, or that you simply aren't good enough?

It feels like a disease sometimes.

But, in being aware of this mindset I tend to have... there's been a lot of letting go that's need to happen. I think it first started with my relationship with the Lord.

I think it started here because somewhere along the way many of us have adopted a mentality that we will always need to grow in our relationship with Him. That we will never be where we want to be. That we should never be satisfied with where things are at with Him.

Now I'm wondering if those thoughts have been more damaging to us as believers than they have been motivating or encouraging. It's almost as if we've been saying that God isn't satisfied with our relationship with Him, that He wants more and more and more. He wants us to be more obedient, more loving, more selfless, more joyful. And maybe it's true that He does desire those things, but I don't necessarily think it means that God is upset with us if we are truly seeking Him.

I think God gets upset when we become people who honor Him with our words, but don't really meant it. I think God's upset when we are fakers. But, I don't think He's upset when we are honest with Him and others and still following... even if it's not yet perfect. For us to think he's always dissatisfied, that He's always disappointed? It seems damaging.

In fact, I think it's been damaging.
I've told you all a bit about how I put down my Bible for the better half of this year... and when I finally have been able to come to a place where I'm not trying to hard to be this 'perfect' Christian, there's been a lot of content that's been able to flood in.

What if where you're at right now is okay? Even if you could 'do better' or 'be better'... what if God is satisfied that you're exactly where you are? Could you be satisfied, too?

'Cause, the thing I've discovered, is that life is continually going to bringing us to new things. New challenges, new people, new jobs, new locations, new struggles of it's own. I don't think our relationship with the Lord is supposed to be a struggle. I think it's supposed to be the thing that brings peace, and comfort, and healing.... the source of our joy, Him as our only constant.

But... we've turned it into this thing that we have to fight through, and struggle with... and be dissatisfied with...because we think He is dissatisfied with us....

And I can't help but wonder....
Did we miss something?

Today I'm content.
I'm not perfect.
I didn't go to church today. I didn't really even read my Bible today.

But, I'm content with where I'm at with God.

Are you?

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