Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Guys Can't Read Minds...?

I sometimes like to ask my guy friends what I should write about on this blog. As this is a site geared toward women (although I recognize that a surprising number of men read it, which I love...), I am always looking for male perspectives on things that us girls seem to be ignorant of.

Most recently, the comment (from a man) to all the ladies was a, 'Don't suck at communication'.

After probing a little more, this turned into a, 'You've probably written a blog on girls thinking that guys can read minds, right?' And while my answer to that question is probably a yes, it never hurts to remind ourselves of this little truth.

In this particular instance, the story goes a little something like this:
Guy and girl meet and become friends. Guy and girl are great friends who enjoy each other's company immensely. Guy realizes he has feelings for the girl (okay, he may have had feelings the whole time...but that's another blog for you gentlemen) and decides he ought to let the girl know where he's at. Guy tells girl that he likes her. Girl doesn't say much of anything, but starts changing the way she treats her guy friend completely.

Maybe you're familiar with this story. Maybe you're even a character in this story...?

One of my college roommates and I always used to say that if a guy ever asked for our phone number that we would give it to him. I can still hear her say, 'If he's got the balls to ask, I'm going to at least give him my number'. I never got the chance to back her in that, but she certainly had a guy ask for her number and then even obliged him with a first date. I loved her desire to honor the risk, to award a guy for mustering up the courage to ask her out.

But, seriously ladies...
If he has the balls to tell you that he likes you, don't you think you could at least respect him enough to actually tell him how you feel instead of assuming that he's going to know exactly what's going on in that crazy head of yours? Because, believe it or not, sometimes women back off for reasons other than not being interested. Sometimes we just get freaked out, sometimes we have commitment issues, sometimes we just don't know how we feel... but don't you think he deserves for you to have an honest, open dialogue about where you're at (even if you're just not interested)? Don't you think he wants to have that conversation with you?

Putting yourself out there is risky, and as much as us women complain about men not stepping up and telling us if they like us or not, it seems we ought to respond in an honest, forthright way when they do. Living up to the very same thing we expect (and hope for) in the male counterpart. There's no room for a double standard here.

And yes, I know that sometimes you are probably trying to preserve his feelings and you feel 'too harsh' telling him that you're not interested and so you're just hoping he catches on to your shorter emails, delayed text messages, unanswered phone calls and avoidance of hanging out with just the two of you.... but, I mostly just think that when we respond to men this way (especially men that we've been calling a friend), that we are just cowards. Selfish cowards. Probably (honestly) thinking more about how uncomfortable we are going to feel instead of valuing their hearts and their desire for honest and open communication.

Just think about it.
Think about what you would want if you were in their shoes.
Sometimes I think we think it's our responsibility to keep their hearts intact, but I often think we do them much more of a disservice when we don't clearly communicate what we are thinking/feeling.

Despite what you may think, they can't read our minds (nor do we want them to). Don't expect them to. And don't expect them to accurately read your actions, either.

If you're a character in this story, I hope you'll make efforts to openly communicate with the guy who has put himself out there for you. He thought you were worth it. I hope you think he's worth an honest (and maybe hard, but kind) conversation about where your heart is at concerning him.

And men? Thanks for putting yourself out there, even when us women respond like crazies from time to time. I hope you'll keep doing it. I hope you'll keep taking risks for us. Know that my inbox is always open for blog topics from you, too.

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Your entries will remain anonymous


  1. hmm... point taken. Excuse me while I go take care of some things...

  2. What about when the woman puts herself out there and then is...left hanging?