Thursday, June 13, 2013

Out of your League?

What do you do when it feels like he/she is out of your league?

I was talking to a friend recently, asking him for some clarification on how him and his girlfriend got together. I had heard the story from her side, but I wanted to know it from his. Through a series of accidental events, it wasn't very long before the girl who he thought would never look twice at him was considering him as a serious romantic possibility. And then they were dating. Just like that. 

He was a little paranoid about how it all went down, asking if because she had never really thought about him romantically before if it meant that she wasn't truly interested in him. 

Absolutely not. 

Because sometimes, when we encounter people who seem very clearly 'out of our league', we don't ever let ourselves think of them as an actual possibility. Sometimes we get really good at convincing ourselves that it could never be and so we miss all the opportunities, or convince ourselves that any cues are just miscalculated judgments. 

But it doesn't mean we're not interested. It just means that we're not really allowing ourselves to go there mentally or emotionally. It means that we only see rejection at the end of the line, and so it seems easier, safer, healthier to exist in a world where it's just never going to happen. Maintaining friendships without an expectation or a hope that more could happen... that's what we do. 

It gets super challenging when both parties think that the other is 'out of their league' and therefore no action is taken...which leads to a missing out of, what could be, an incredible relationship. 

So this is where I urge you into risk-taking and putting yourself out there. To watching 80s teen movies and reminding yourself that sometimes scrawny Patrick Dempsey gets the popular girl (on a lawnmower, mind you) and sometimes awkward Molly Ringwald successfully ends up with the guy of her dreams. Yes, they're movies... but they reflect shades of reality. I've seen the true stories before my very eyes. 

It's never a guarantee...(hence the risk...).
But then you never have to wonder. You never have to ask 'What If...'. 
My brother once told me when I date someone, I should think they're the coolest person I know. The problem was that most of the time, the coolest person always felt 'out of my league'. I guess I just want to acknowledge that sometimes our feelings aren't depicting truth. And sometimes the way we think things are, aren't the way they actually are. We won't know until we try. You know? 

Guys- If you're into the whole traditional pursuit of a girl (you know... where the guy goes after the
girl), I'd encourage you to put yourself out there with the girl you think is 'out of your league'. I think there's a strong possibility that you'll be surprised by the response. When a guy is willing to step out, be bold, make his feelings known... girls will at least consider it (and maybe they never have before because they felt like you were out of their league). 

Ladies- I'm not saying that you ought to start asking the coolest guys you know out... but I am asking you to not immediately cast them into 'it's never gonna happen' territory. Don't sell yourself short. Remain open- enough to where you aren't missing out on his possible interest in you, enough to where you don't seem closed off and resistant to any type of romantic relationship, enough to where you don't make yourself appear out of his league to the point where he is discouraged from pursuing. 

Anything can happen
Why not take a risk? 
Why not just see? 
Why not remain open?

Maybe there doesn't ever need to be such a thing as 'out of your league'... 

Or maybe this is just my romantic side kicking in. 

Either way...

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1 comment:

  1. I've been disappointed so many times, it's really difficult to remain open. I just can't bring myself to hope anymore that it will work out one day. These blogs are really great, though; most times, I feel almost like you're writing encouragement directly to me. I really appreciate them!