That this one decision you make is going to determine the rest of your life, so you better not make the wrong one.
And, sometimes, one decision can affect your entire life (like marriage...).
Decisions can often have consequences. And sometimes I'm so scared of the possible consequences that I feel paralyzed in making any sort of decision at all. I want to evaluate every possibility before I decide on something and, on some level, it's impossible to do.
No matter how many what-ifs I go through, no matter how many scenarios I play out, no matter how much I try to know as much as possible about deciding on something... I still feel in the dark as I'm forced to decide. I'm never really sure...
It's so easy to get caught up in believing there's always a 'right' decision to be made, and so we inherently fear making the 'wrong' decision. It's so easy to be consumed by the thought of choosing something and then being stuck in a place where you're wondering if you had chosen differently if it might have been better.
It's so easy to want the Lord to just tell you what the heck you should do.
But sometimes I wonder if we place too much weight on some decisions. That maybe these decisions don't make or break the plans God has for us. That maybe He is still able to accomplish His will in us and through us even when we aren't clear about the path we should be taking. Maybe it's not so much about the path that we take as it is about the person we are and are becoming as we walk down that path.
Maybe so much of the time we focus on what we're supposed to do that we forget what we're supposed to be. Maybe we're so caught up in figuring out what our calling is in terms of vocation and we lose sight of our calling to love, holiness, and proclaiming the goodness of God.
Maybe sometimes we get so frustrated and lost because we don't know what step is right, while all along the Lord is asking something much more simple out of us. Something much more basic.
Maybe He's saying, "I don't care what school you go to, what job you take, what house you live in, what car you drive, what city you make your home... what I care about is deeper than that. I care about your heart. I care about you loving me. I care about your obedience to me. I care about you loving others. I care about you placing others above yourself. I care about your desire for others to know me and your boldness to live out of that no matter where you are. I care about you making my name famous. I care about you. I care about you, even when you mess up, even when you run away, even when you're confused, even when you've given up. I'm still here. Through it all. Don't forget me. I love you."
How do we step out of the versions of ourselves that we feel others expect us to be and step more fully into the version of ourselves that God is calling us to be?
How do we move away from feeling like it's necessary to be found successful in the eyes of the world and find contentment in the fact that we are moving toward being what God desires of us?
Can we aspire to greatness no matter what we do?
Can we aspire to greatness in who we are?
Can we not let the seemingly 'big-time' decisions over our futures be things that plague us, but rather things that move us toward knowing what it means to follow Him more?
Maybe there aren't always right or wrongs...
Maybe this one decision doesn't have to bear so much weight.
Maybe it doesn't matter.
Because maybe it isn't about what I do...
And maybe it's more about who I am... and who I am becoming.
And maybe what I do is part of that process...
But maybe it means that there's more freedom in choosing than I sometimes feel.
I want to dwell in that freedom.
And trust that, no matter the what, the Lord is refining who I am and what I do is solely a reflection of Him in me.
Your entries will remain anonymous
No comments:
Post a Comment