Just a Friend

Did you know that I'm a songwriter?

Yep.
I used sit in the bathtub for hours, churning out song after song after song as I tried out my own poetic lyrics to my all-original melodies. The bathroom was the best for this because of the acoustics, so I cozied down in the hot bubbles, all set up in my very own studio.

It was the life of an aspiring 13-year-old girl. My first hit was sung amongst my family (especially my brothers), as they mocked the teenage angst that had clearly come out through my lyrics.

Why do you try
When you do cry
All alone, all alone

How long does it take for you
When you are feeling so wrong
To stop your feelings
Why do you try
When you do cry

I'd say it truly debuted during my first year working full-time at camp, though. I sang it over the microphone to a few friends when I thought no one else was around to hear me...but you can be assured that I was wrong about that.

As you can see, it didn't make a ton of sense (which is why we still laugh about it today), but the tune was also strangely brilliant and awful. I got a bit better. In the midst of my early teenage uneasiness, I also wrote a song about boys. I think it's a song you might hear on any country radio station.

Just a friend
how could he think
I was just some girl who he thought was
Just a friend

3 years later
I always saw him
with that special grin
he took the other girls away
but I knew I was
Just a friend

It was entitled 'Just a Friend', in case you couldn't tell. As tragically pathetic as all of this is, this second song seemed to become the soundtrack of my life. I always felt like just the friend. I remember weeping at the grande finale of Dawson's Creek because Pacey, the best friend, had won the heart of Joey. It gave me this strange hope that my ending could also be different.

I felt like a lot of my crushes had been wrapped up in guys who were also my close friends. We had crossed into the friend zone and there was no going back. While I saw our closeness as intimate and special, they were thankful for a companion who they didn't have to worry would fall in love with them. It was always a fun scenario when they found out they were wrong about that small detail. I tried my best to avoid ever letting them know, but sometimes... sometimes I just had to be honest. I usually always think this is the wrong move (especially in hindsight).

So... if you find yourself crushing on your best friend?
Don't even mess with it. While I've had some incredible guy friends and we've gone through the, 'You like me, but I don't like you back' phase...I think we'd be better friends today if all of that stuff hadn't come up between us. It goes both ways, really. Great guy friends who liked me and I wasn't interested at all... I kind of wish they had never told me.

'Cause here's the thing: the feelings pass. They do. It might take a long while, especially if you continue pouring your heart out to them and only them and putting yourself in situations where they are meeting needs that they shouldn't be... but, on the whole, they go away. You meet someone else, they meet someone else (which automatically means you should probably back off a little and allow their new relationship to flourish). You go separate directions. Sometimes you keep in touch, sometimes you don't. It's okay.

I assure you that I'm incredibly thankful I didn't have the opportunity to date all of my close guy friends when I thought I wanted to. Sometimes being just a friend is the sweetest thing of all.

Enjoy the friendship.
Let this be a season where it's just good...and don't try to make it into something it's not. He'll let you know if he's interested (if he ever is and when he is ready). Be yourself and be his friend (not the weird version of yourself you turn into when you want a guy to notice you).

That's it.

Just a friend.
It's a good place to be.

Maybe I'll even write a new song about it...

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