What about if he KNOWS. And you're just sitting there like.....hmmm I don't know. I know that it's an inborn kind of thing to want to share your life with someone but at the same time I think I only got half of that gene (also I'm a selfish person-I realize this). I don't want my life to revolve around a guy. Especially since I have things to do!! So what do I do if it's the other way around? He knows but I don't.Great question...and great thoughts.
You aren't alone.
I think the tendency is for the assumption to be that all women want to get married and have a family, that we're all just waiting for that 'perfect' guy to come along so we can get down to business. But, that hardly fits all women.
I watched Mona Lisa Smiles again recently, and was reminded of how unfulfilling a life of solely tending house, raising kids, and being a 'good' wife would be for me. Because, I have other things I want to do...that I want to pursue...and I want to have the room to dream about them, and then act on them. I want to be able to tend a house, raise kids and be a 'good' wife...but do abundantly more than that.
Not everyone is like that though. Some women are content and completely fulfilled taking care of their family, recognizing the huge responsibility before them and wanting to do it with excellence. Some women can't imagine having kids, let alone rearing kids... the husband part sounds good, but not necessarily the whole family thing. Some women want to go it alone--no husband, no kids.
We're all different...and it's a beautiful thing.
And so I guess this is where I want us to be willing to understand ourselves better. What do we truly want/long for? In what ways are we gifted, in what things are we passionate about...and how do we move forward into those more fully in a way that reflects the Lord?
I think, for the woman (like you) who wants to share her life with someone but simultaneously doesn't want her life revolving around a guy, there is hope. I think a lot of depends on the guy that you do end up choosing (because, despite how he feels and what he 'knows', you still get a choice in the matter). Is he someone who is going to push you to do the things you need to do outside of him? Is he going to encourage you in them? Support you in them? Is he going to help move you toward better? Are you going to be a better person, a better lover of the Lord, a better lover of people....because of him in your life? I think if that's the case....I think if you find a man who is willing and able to let you flourish in your dreams, gifts, passions... you get the best of both worlds. If he's a man who is going to stifle you and contain you and keep you from the things you love? You don't have to choose that.
The Lord's been reminding me lately that I get to choose.
He's been reminding me that I could be single forever and probably (honestly) be quite content, but He's reminding me that I could choose something else really good, too. That no one can make up my mind for me in that. He's not going to, a man isn't going to.....I get to choose.
So do you.
Don't forget that.
If you're interested in the possibility of sharing your life with someone, be willing to take a step. To go on a date. To get to know a guy. It doesn't mean you're committing your life to him yet. It doesn't mean that you choosing 'yes' in one instance means that you're choosing 'yes' forever with him. Find out, no matter how incredible of a man he is and no matter how sure he is that you're it for him, if he is who you want to do life with.
Process through it, yes. Absolutely. It's a life-altering, life-long commitment. It's nothing to take lightly. But, sometimes I think we have the tendency to allow our own junk to interfere. That sometimes when we over-analyze it all, we get ridiculous about things in a bad way and don't allow good things to happen.
Basically I think over-analyzing is always harmful. There's a healthy balance. Don't make rash, ridiculous decisions...but don't mull through it to the point where there's nothing good coming out of it, either. Don't be afraid to make decisions. Don't be afraid to say YES to a date because you think it means you're committing your life away. Don't feel like you have to, either.
So maybe he thinks he knows.
Allow yourself room to be a human with freedom and choices. Allow yourself to have good things. Allow yourself to dream big and to live life to the fullest (consumed by things that matter)...and recognize that sometimes living fully can absolutely include a husband and a family and making them a priority.
I think you'll find someone who meshes well with your hopes and dreams for your own life. Someone who compliments you in that. It may not be the great guy who thinks he knows he wants to be with you....but it might be. Be willing to be open. Be willing to be wrong. Be willing to be surprised.
But, in the end?
You get to choose.
So, what'll it be?
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