Withheld

“When I took girls to dances in high school, I used to tell them they looked good regardless of if they did or not...because I knew that’s what I was supposed to say.”

A good guy friend said something along these lines the other night as a few of us entered into a conversation about how girls often need words of affirmation. He’s the type of guy that claims he doesn’t really think about those types of things, but somehow knew it was necessary to affirm their beauty on a few special nights of the year.

It’s laughable.

But also a little depressing.

While I’ve never wanted to admit that words matter as much to me as they do, the last few years have really revealed that. I need them. It’s a primary way that people can show me that they care about me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of words. That sometimes words, when lacking actions, can feel quite meaningless...but sometimes the actions, when lacking words, can also feel void of deeper meaning. And so, in recognizing my need for words of affirmation, I also recognize that there’s an action that’s required in order for me to fully receive them. Maybe that makes me hard to please.

It’s kind of revealed that I have a double standard, though. As much as I need them (even if I sometimes struggle to receive them), I’m not awesome at giving them. The other day I found myself telling someone that one of my co-workers had been doing an incredible job and I had been really impressed by them...and quickly was aware of how I had failed to communicate those thoughts and feelings to the actual person.

I’m naturally a withholder.

Withholding good from others because of my own insecurities. They’ll think I’m ridiculous if I tell them that. I don’t know them well enough to say that yet. It might give them the wrong impression if I compliment them on that…

The excuses go on and on… sometimes I just don’t even think about telling the person and I go on with my life.

But what if we did? What if I did?

What if I lived my life in such a way that I never held those things back from others. What if I showered others with the good stuff that I actually think about them often? What if we all did?

It translates into relationships.

I think the more willing that we are to say the things that we think/feel, regardless of how ridiculous they may sound or feel...the better it can be. The better for those receiving it (because how often do we hate hearing nice things simply because we don’t know how to receive them… even if we know we really need them?). The better for us as we attempt to love others well.

Not everyone needs the kind words. Not everyone wants them.

But, I think it’s a pretty beautiful thing when we become people who say what we think/feel when it’s to the benefit of the recipient. When we stop withholding. When we are proactive about loving people with our words and backing it with our actions.

It allows people to flourish.

It allows them to step more confidently into who they are.

And sometimes other people do need us to say those things. They do need to hear them. I often think the Lord uses others in our lives to speak encouragement and affirmation to us. Can we be those voices? Are we willing?

I’m not saying to say nice things simply because you’re supposed to… but, to say them when you think them, when you mean them, when you know it’s to someone else’s benefit (even if it means putting yourself out there a bit, even if it means getting over your own insecurities).

I’m working on not withholding anymore.

To allow my words to be a blessing to those around me and strive for my actions to reflect that as well. To be extra contentious of the ways that I can actively seek to love others verbally. To say the good things I think out loud...to offer encouragement, support, compliments, and affirmation.

I think it matters.

Try it.

Tell someone the good thing you’re thinking about them, even if you feel like a complete moron in the process. You may make their day. You may affirm something in them that they’ve been doubting. You may say the very thing they have been needing to hear for a while.

Let’s be voices of love.

Let’s try harder.

Let’s put ourselves out there more.

Let’s withhold no longer.

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