This is My Life

It's snowing.
It's October 15th and it's snowing. Because now I live in the mountains.

This is my life.

My job feels like I'm doing a thousand things at once, struggling to identify which things are the most important to spend time on first. We're all filling holes, stepping into roles we hardly feel qualified for, and hoping and praying that the Lord will bless our efforts as we invite people to come.

This is my life.

I'm dating someone now.
I'm 29 years old and I've been the most doubtful and cynical person when it comes to matters of the heart, but now I find myself hardly recognizable. I've become gushy and mushy and confident that this is good.

This is my life.

What is my life?
It continues to be the question that my roommate and I ask ourselves (and each other) quite frequently. We've stepped into this known, yet highly unknown, territory and are taking it a day at a time. We're a motley crew that's assembled to do whatever it takes to see a ministry thriving and declaring the Gospel, that's all about true life-change. We've moved far distances, we've given up things, we've left loved ones, we've jumped on board of a dream that sometimes still feels overwhelmingly unattainable.

This is my life.

And it's a good life.
It's a new life.
A different life.
A life full of surprises, unexpected blessings... a life filled with risks and unknowns and spontaneity and flexibility.

I've blogged a lot about changed lives. About being someone different. About longing to see how the Lord can truly change people....often fearing that I was never on His radar. Often feeling as though I was caught up in repetitive cycles with no way out. Always feeling like I could never escape the pessimism and the skepticism that often chained me.

What about me? 
Can I be different than this?
It was a plea of desperation as I continually recognized the many ways in which I was always the same.

But... I've felt different lately.
Hopeful.
Joyful.
Excited.
It's been a year of becoming a different person as I stepped away from something wonderful and walked into the unknown, only to find myself facing newness of a different kind. Meeting new people, living new places, experiencing a world that pushed me, challenged me, required something of me while simultaneously allowing me to just be.

I'm still me.
But I'm different.
I can see it now.
I can see the Lord's faithfulness in how He orchestrates things, in how He moves people, in how He refines us in the ways that are absolutely perfect.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I've changed. I'm changing.
And maybe I've been changing all along...but I think it's more visible than I ever thought possible before.

It's not just that my external circumstances are different... but who I am is different. How I view things, how I react to things, how I process things, how I think about things.... it's different. It's better.

And for the doubter and the skeptic... it feels pretty huge.

This is my life.
It's snowing in October.
And I'm becoming more of who I've always wanted to be.
I'm changing.
There's hope.
We aren't stuck.
He's moving us toward better...in His time and in His way.

Transformation is possible.
We don't always have to be that person we've always been.
As much as we tell ourselves to not put God in a box, I wonder how much He's asking us to not put ourselves in a box, either.

This is my life.
It's a good life.
A life of transformation...explained only by the grace of God.
A life of unexpectedness. A life of risk. A life that's not even about me in the end.

A life with snow in October.
This is my life.

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