I quickly told my friend that she knows exactly what it means. Because...she knows. I know. You know. We all know.
It means we're interested in getting to know them better. It means we're interested in letting them get to know us (and hoping they want to). It means we think about them. A lot. It means we over think our interactions with them and definitely read into all of their interactions with us. It means our stomach feels fluttery when we think about seeing them again. It means we're excited and hopeful about what could possibly be...
The thing about being a girl that likes a boy is that it's hard to know what to do with those feelings. Once you actually admit that they are there (because how many of us would prefer to keep lying to ourselves about our romantic interests...) how do you then act? Once you acknowledge that you like a boy, both to yourself and possibly others, does it change everything?
I know, for me, it's hard to keep acting like a normal person. Suddenly everything has more weight to it, no matter how long I've known the person. Suddenly I'm cautious of my actions and very aware of the small things that I never before cared about, let alone noticed. Has he always looked at me like that? Has his touch always lingered? Which is then quickly countered by: He's not looking at me at all and he pulled his hand away very, very quickly.... he must actually hate me.
Irrational thoughts leak through.
But I don't know what to do with the emotions. Half the time I don't even know if they are real. Do I only like this guy because he's the first guy in a while to have a conversation with me? Do I only like him because I'm trying to get over my ex? Do I only like him because he's cute? Do I only like him because he can sing really well?
Because our emotions sometimes convince us that we like guys for really ridiculous reasons. Reasons that aren't lasting. Reasons that aren't substantial.
So, here's kind of what I think through when I decide if I'm going to keep liking a guy (because, yes, I do believe that love is a choice...and that you can help who you love).
- Why do I like him? Do I know him well enough to have substantial reasons for liking him, or am I basing it off of things that don't matter or aren't lasting?
- What is my current situation? Do I like him because I'm lonely or jealous? Do I like him because it seems like an easy solution?
- Am I using these feelings as a way to distract me from other things I don't want to deal with? Meaning...sometimes I like guys and entertain the idea of a relationship with them (through various communication or flirting), but I never actually have any intention of dating them. In the moment, it's just nice to have someone to think about...but not as anything real.
I think when we can admit that we have feelings for a guy, that we need to be willing to process through some of this other stuff in order to gauge how we should respond. Sometimes we need to step away from the situation because it's just feeding an unhealthy desire for something to fill us quickly that never actually can...sometimes we're looking for fulfillment and identity in the wrong spot. Sometimes we need to get to know a guy better before we really decide we have feelings for him (just because he has an amazing voice doesn't mean you need to marry him... or date him).
But if we determine we like someone for the right reasons and it just seems good?
Then keep liking him and let whatever happen happen. Don't run away from the situation, don't freak out. Keep being in his life in the capacity that you are and don't be afraid to let him know that you care about him. I'm not saying to declare your love to him (unless things get too unbearable, but that's another blog topic)...but I am saying that it's very okay to give him a little encouragement. Give him a reason to think that if he asked you out, you wouldn't say no.
In the end, when you like a boy... you kind of just get to wait. And be you. And while you might go through irrational thought processes and freak out and feel like you're about to explode because you feel like you can't ever say what you really want to say? Well...you'll be okay. Something will happen with you guys, or you'll eventually move on to someone else.
Because that's what happens when we like boys.
It's confusing and silly... but whatever you're feeling right now isn't defining for the rest of your life.
Take some hope in that.
Evaluate your emotions (and freaking admit that you have them)...and go from there.
Because we all know what it means to like boys. We just don't necessarily know what to do with it once we admit we do...
Man up.
Face the risks, the possible rejections, the potential long waiting process.... and trust that it'll all be okay. Even if this moment feels like eternity, rest assured that it isn't.
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