Sunday, April 28, 2013

Wanting their Story

I remember reading a book a long time ago about a guy who was oblivious to a girl he worked with who was secretly pining after him. She would weep on her way home from work each day, desperately wishing and praying he would notice her, or that her desires would leave…and he had no idea any of this was going on. In the end, they got married. 

I remember, countless times, wishing that this could be my story (mostly recognizing how I was crushing on guys who never noticed my existence in any romantic capacity). It was a story that gave me hope that it could work out for me like this, because it had worked out for them like this.

Their story isn’t the only story I’ve hoped to claim as my own over the years.
When I fly, I think about meeting the man of my dreams on the plane.
When I get in online chatrooms, I think about You’ve Got Mail becoming my reality (okay, I honestly haven’t done this since middle school...the online chatroom thing, that is).

I hear about, read about, watch via television/movies, and see my friends meet ‘the one’ and I can’t help but anticipate that my story will somehow be similar to someone else's. So much so, that sometimes I can’t help but feel that I'm always looking for that to be the case.  Like, ‘Oh, I'm going to be in this wedding and that’s how Susie met Bobby, so maybe I’ll meet the man I'm going to marry there…’ 

First of all, I wish I had married friends named Susie and Bobby…and second of all, the mindset is ridiculous.

Why would I want someone else’s story?
And why would I spend so much time and energy creating scenarios in my head for how things could play out, which inevitably sets up expectations that will most likely leave me feeling disappointed?

The thing is, I feel like I’ve had so many people say to me: It’ll happen when you least expect it. But, what if I'm always expecting it? Hoping for it? Wanting it? Looking for it? Does that mean it’ll never happen…?

I sound desperate.
I'm not. Not right now, anyway.
But, I think that there are probably quite a few females who are wandering around in this abyss of comparison and unmet expectations… frustrated, disappointed, hopeless, constantly wondering when it’s going to ‘happen’ for them. I get it. Sometimes I'm there, too.

It’s a miserable place to be, though.
A place of dissatisfaction, a place of restlessness, a place of over-analyzing.

What if….
We just lived life and didn’t think about all the possibilities of how we might run into the ‘man of our dreams’? What if we didn’t try to make other people’s stories our stories? What if we just allowed life to play out and enjoyed the adventure of the unknown, living in the dark about who we might meet, where we might meet them, and what relationship might then develop from there?

There’s a lot of release that comes with adopting a new mindset… I know, because I'm currently practicing it. Life doesn’t have to be filled with constant disappointments every time I go somewhere and don’t meet a guy that I’d ever consider dating.

Because there’s a lot more to life.
A lot more to focus on and care about. A lot more to be consumed by.

Let your life happen.
It can be a good life… despite your singleness.
And who knows…? Maybe it really will happen when you least expect it.
So, stop expecting it.
And stop comparing your life to someone else’s (in every capacity).

Let your story be great… because it’s your story. Unique and deeply meant for you.

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