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I have a love-hate relationship with my birthday.

In fact, I probably blog about it every year because of the inner turmoil I experience. To celebrate, or not celebrate? To take my birthday off of Facebook, or leave it up? To request anything special, or not?

Getting married added a new challenge. Poor Kel suffers on this day each year, trying to do the impossible: make his wife feel special, cared for, valued. As the dreaded day approached this year, we had a few conversations about it, especially given our pandemic-world we now live in. What could we do and what did I want to do. You'd be surprised to hear I changed my mind a million times. Mostly I wanted to be content with doing nothing... and I kind of wanted everyone else to be content with that, too. But, that type of answer never really flies...

But then last night, it hit me.
It was brilliant. Mostly because it wasn't me.

Come to me.
Be with me. 

"Kel", I said minutes later, "If you don't mind watching Baby K for a few hours tomorrow- I think I'd like to go get lost in the woods for a while".

Hiking has become somewhat of a birthday tradition for us, but it's always included people. In some ways, excluding my husband felt selfish. But, it also felt necessary. Even as I typed those words, I immediately remembered The Message version of Matthew 11:28-30 that a professor had brought into a seminar on Sabbath. Check it out:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

On a day that I have wrestled with wanting to be celebrated versus wanting to live with humility, it had never once dawned on me that perhaps the most perfect way to celebrate was to go be with my Creator. That instead of seeking the accolades of others, of wanting to know what value I have contributed to the world in these 36 years... that maybe there was actually something more beautiful about escaping to be with my Father, being in relationship with Him, being reminded of who HE is and how that defines who I am.

These past weeks and months I've heard a lot about social distancing... a lot about how we were created to be in relationship with others. How, now that we can't, we realize more than ever how much we truly do need community. But, I wonder how much we've remembered that we were, first and foremost, created to be in relationship with the Creator. To love God, then others.

I hiked. I hammocked. I worshipped. I dozed. I prayed. I cried. I laughed. You might have thought of me a crazy person.

But it was so good.
I've been so blessed by the many who have reached out to tell me kind things today. But, it will never compare to the love of a Savior, who redeems my darkest moments. He, who weeps with me, but reminds me that there is more in store. He, in whom there is eternal victory.

I feel compelled to tell you, friends, to go to Him... to recover your life... to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Even if you never have. Even if it's been years. Even if you did this morning.

Henri Nouwen's book, Reaching Out, describes something that has stuck with me for a few years now. He pushes people to move from loneliness to solitude in the first section of his book. My basic take away is that when someone is lonely, our intuition is often to surround that person with people. Nouwen suggests, quite beautifully, something foreign-feeling. Instead, what if we pushed people toward solitude... with God. He writes, "No friend or lover, no husband or wife, no community or commune will be able to put to rest our deepest cravings for unity and wholeness."

I have been convicted, on my birthday, of all days... how much I try to seek this wholeness from other humans. And I bet a lot of you do the same.

As a result, my challenge for you (and me) is this: Go. Get away with God. Go without an agenda, without a plan, without expectation.

Turn off the TV. Turn off your phone (or set "Do not disturb notifications" up). Set down the news. Escape into the wilderness. Disappear into a different room. Enjoy your porch at sunrise.

Be willing.
Be honest.
Be mad. Be lonely. Be sad. Be scared. Be sick. Be healthy. Be thankful. Be happy. Be worried.

But go.

He can handle all of it.
He is calling.
Will you follow?

Husbands/wives- watch the kids while the other takes some hours away.

We have the time. Maybe now, more than ever before. Be in relationship, yes. But with the Father, first and foremost.

Go.
Recover your life. 
Keep company with God. 

I have reason to believe that when we do this... that it (He) can change everything. I have reason to believe that it might be the best possible thing to do while in quarantine.

Try it.
And then let me know how it goes.

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