To My 22-year-old Self

The Comment: 

I find myself (at 22) hitting that point in life where it seems that everyone I know is either A) Married, B)engaged, or C) in a serious relationship. I am still in school for my Bachelors, and the pressure is high to find someone during this time and that "there's no other way." To confess, I have very high "husband" standards, but have gone out on several occasions with young men who I know don't share the same values, beliefs, and morals. I've had to ask myself the "why?" question, and I don't like what my answer is: it's usually along the lines of self-flattery and fun. 

I guess what my question is is what advice would you give to your younger self (or any 22 year old woman) in your years of singleness to honor The Lord in your coping with loneliness, a sex drive, and maybe even a hard heart and pride to go along with it.

Initially, my response is to tell my 22-year-old self to calm the heck down because my future husband is currently only 17. Five years honestly doesn't feel like anything when I'm 30 and he's 25, but when I noticed at Christmas that his high school graduation occurred a year after my COLLEGE graduation, I had to pause.. 

But, really...
22-year-old self, here's what I would actually tell you: 

It's okay. 
Really. Truly. 
And, beyond okay, what you're entering into is better. Not better than all the young people who get married, but better for YOU right now. Because, 22-year-old self, you're going to learn that there's a whole lot more to life than marriage. You're going to learn how it's not the end goal of life. 

You're going to get to see the world.
You're going to get to be a part of changing people's lives.
You're going to get to sacrifice time, money, energy for the cause of Christ. Yes, you're going to fight it. No, you won't understand it. Yes, you'll battle loneliness. No, it won't destroy you. 

It's okay. 
Even on the nights when you convince yourself that you'll never find the right guy, when you declare your celibacy, when you question if your standards are too high... (after all, isn't it better to be with someone even if it's not the RIGHT someone?!). 

22-year-old self-- NO. 
He's probably somewhere (...maybe he's still in high school). 
And he's worth waiting for. He's worth a thousand broken hearts and hopeless teary nights. Because he's better than you ever thought possible. 

It's not worth the messing around physically or playing with boundaries. Those things are temporary, fleeting. The way he makes you feel in that moment? The arousal? The teasing? The big questions of how far is too far? Leave it behind. This isn't worth your time right now. Isn't worth your energy. Isn't worth the distraction. Your calling is greater than that. You are meant for more. 

22-year-old self...
You have bigger things to tend to. 
Discover who you are. Discover why you are the way you are. Figure out more about who the Lord is calling you to be and where He is leading you. 
And GO. 
Be willing.
Be obedient.
Run the race set before you. 

All of this love-y dove-y stuff will get sorted out.
Keep your high standards. Give guys a chance. 
But don't let them become your drive, your focus, your everything. Maintain priorities. Maintain focus. Maintain perspective. 

Just because it feels like the rest of the world is "passing you by", doesn't mean that it's true. Just because your path feels different, doesn't mean that it's worse. 

One day, you'll be thankful for the years of singleness.
One day, you'll wonder if you ever want to give them up. 
Because, one day, you'll know the beauty of a life lived in attempts to be more like Jesus. One day you'll recognize the ease that comes with making decisions, picking up and moving, finances, the opportunities that you're able to seize without having to make sure someone else is on board. 
One day you'll recognize that the life you got to live was better than you could have ever imagined for yourself, even if it's very different from what you ever thought you wanted.
One day you'll recognize how the Lord is far more faithful than you ever knew, especially when you doubted Him on those long, lonely nights. 

22-year-old self... you're going to get to live life to the full. You're going to get to grow up! 
Don't wish it a way.
Don't pine for something else. 
Dive in further into what the Lord has for you and trust that it is good. That He is good. His timing is perfect.
Forget the pressures around you.

Remember that a relationship status can never define you. 
Find your identity and your hope in the Giver of all good things--the One who saves, redeems and loves us beyond all comprehension. 

22-year-old self: 
There's more to life, and I can't wait for you to live it and learn from it. 

(And, let's be honest, I could probably say this same stuff to myself from ages 20-29. It's an ongoing battle as you seek to let go, trust, and walk into a purpose that's bigger and better all the while learning, growing and understanding more about who God is and who I am in the process...) 

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