Fat Days

The holidays draw closer and my waistband gets tighter.

Is it socially acceptable yet to wear elastic waistbands everywhere you go? Are maternity clothes viable options for women who just want room to expand two to three times a day?

I guess you could say I got married and “let myself go”. Or, at least some days I feel like it. Tighter clothes, more pounds, feeling self-conscious…fat days are upon me.

I’ve been here before.

I don’t want to return.

BUT… the holidays are here. How can I deny myself turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and the endless amounts of cookies from just jumping in my mouth?!

I told myself that I would do something about the weight gain after the holidays, but I realized I should probably start before then if I don’t want to be wearing sweatpants for the rest of my life (because, if we’re being honest, I’m too cheap to buy new clothes—especially in honor of gaining weight).

It doesn’t mean that I don’t get to enjoy the holidays…but it does mean that there’s a need for discipline that I like to forget about. Last time I lost weight, I decided to just do it and I stuck with it. Sheer determination. And grace during the times that I mess up. Two steps forward, one step back. But, it’s possible.

There are a lot of days in between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I don’t have to eat like a pig every day in between (nor should I). I don’t have to wait until the New Year to make a resolution, either. I can start today; a random day in November, four days before Thanksgiving.

That sounds nice.

I don’t have to keep gaining weight until January and then start losing weight. I can be disciplined. I can have self-control. I can still eat yummy things, but learn how to eat them in moderation. I can enjoy the holidays and not hate myself the entire time. I believe it’s possible. Even with a fat day here or there in between. 

Because as I eat and grow and let myself go, I begin to see a direct correlation between how I feel about myself and then how I interact with the world around me… as though it’s everyone else’s fault that I’m slowing inflating over time. As though I had no control as I pour large amounts of butter over my popcorn and shove rolls in my mouth.

If I really don’t like how I look or feel and if there’s something to do be done about it? I want to do something. I don’t want to whine and complain and feel sorry for myself, all while feeling bad about myself. Instead, I need to move my body and eat better. I just have to do it. One day at a time. Even on the fat days. 

When I start to trim away the excess things in my life, I start to feel like more of who I am supposed to be. More of who I was created to be. Never skinny, mind you… but healthy, confident, vibrant.

I’ve been there before.

It feels within reach.

I want to return.

And so today, we begin again.

Wish me luck.

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