Thursday, January 23, 2014

Growing Up

As I continue to grow my silver hairs out, I sorta get excited about getting older.
With age comes wisdom, and I can't help but think of how much more of a credible source I become when I'm no longer in my twenty-somethings attempting to pretend like I have anything figured out (because we all know, by now, that I know nothing).

But, I can't help but feel like sometimes we get tunnel-vision when we think about who we will eventually be and oftentimes feel quite discontent with who we currently are. There's this heavy weight over us that can make us feel like where we're at isn't quite good enough...and so we push on toward better (usually, anyway). We're unsatisfied with our current state.

As a new aunt, I've found myself often saying things like, "I can't wait until she can laugh!" or, "I can't wait until he can say my name!" or, "I can't wait until she can actually be excited to see me!"

Because, as cute as my niece and nephew are, I'm still this stranger to them. I find myself wishing that they were older, that they understood more, that they had a greater capacity to actually love me and not just depend on me from time-to-time (on the rare instances when their parents entrust them to me to watch for a few hours, that is).

But I also love right where they're at and I hate thinking about them getting bigger so fast. I recognize that this stage of their development will be gone too soon and before I know it, they'll be running around, screaming 'NO' and asking that I play ridiculous games with them over and over and over again. Right now I'm content to ask them what a monkey says and filled with joy when they mutter, "ooo ooo ooo ooo."

Sometimes I wonder if the Lord sees it the same way. Maybe He's excited about our growth and about who we'll eventually be and the ways we will mature and become more like Him as time passes, but in the meantime...maybe He just loves exactly who we are in this moment. Maybe He loves that all we can do is make monkey noises and He'll find so much joy in that, while simultaneously being excited about where He knows we're going to be in a few years.

Maybe there's a both/and.
And maybe, in that, we don't have to feel so unsatisfied about where we're currently at. He loves us right here, in the midst of immaturity and ignorance. He's sees the good in where we're at, He's embracing the things about us that will eventually change as we grow....perhaps even enjoying how unrefined and uneducated we are at times. There's something unique to the way we speak so rawly and openly about Him, even if it isn't always tactful or filled with grace. It's filled with passion and love. And, maybe, as we grow, those things start to become more filtered as we learn more about how different people respond to different things and how to better become all things to all people so that some might be saved.

We're constantly learning.
We're constantly growing.
And the Lord is loving us the same throughout it all. He is just as thrilled with us when we are infants as He will be when we are elderly (both physically and spiritually).

My point is that I don't want us to get lost in having to always be something different, or in becoming something greater. Sometimes these stages that we go through are vital in our development as people, as believers. Sometimes we have to learn how to crawl before we can learn how to walk, even though we want to be walking right away. Sometimes we have to be willing to drink milk before we start chomping on the meat. Sometimes things just take time.

And it's okay.
We have to trust that we're right we're at for a reason, for a purpose... and the Lord is finding just as much joy in where we are at right now as He will be when we are older, more mature, more educated, more grounded. Because we're committed to doing what we can with what we've been given, during this season.

Aspire to be great, to be more like Jesus.... absolutely.
But don't be frustrated when it feels like it's taking a while, when you're limited in your own growth. Good things are happening.
He's using you, just as you are....even through all of your flaws and imperfections, loving you all-the-while.

It's a beautiful/cool thing to me.
I hope it is to you, too.

He loves us.
No matter where we're at.
He takes great joy in us, even when we feel slow, dimwitted, and ridiculously incompetent a lot of the time.

I pray we would receive it.
That we would find hope in it.
That we would move forward, pressing on toward what lies ahead...but simultaneously being content where we are at, no matter our circumstances.
Being excited about where we are heading and who we are becoming....and excited about who we are and where the Lord has already brought us from so far.

Still imperfect, yet deeply loved.

Your entries will remain anonymous

No comments:

Post a Comment