Internet Dating

Although I've gotten rejected from Online Dating in the past, I've been considering it lately.
The pros. The cons.

Partially because I've heard it's a cool way to just meet people and become friends with them, and partially because it just feels hard to meet guys that I would ever really be interested in. How does a 29-year-old now living in a gated community meet anyone outside of said community, anyway? Church...?

Many people I know have met and had successful relationships through Online Dating, but I can't seem to shake feeling like it's this act of control. But then I'm reminded that there are quite a few people who have tried it and not been successful in finding someone. Mostly I don't feel like I can justify paying for such a service. Isn't there just a 'Find Friends Who Live in the Same Area as You' type of website?

But, I do like to flirt with the idea of relationships.
To think about 'dating'... in the 'I don't know you at all, but we're going out to see if there could be anything there' type of way.

So, I think about Online Dating.
But when I think about, it seems both exhausting and terrifying. Really, the whole idea of 'dating' feels like that. Getting to know someone. Asking questions. Answering questions. Especially when it's done in the context of 'how can I best present myself to this dude so he might want to be interested in me beyond friendship...'? I like being authentic. And sometimes authentic me isn't necessarily the best version of me.

In friendship, you often get to see the good, the bad, the ugly...without all the pressure of feeling like you have to put your best foot forward. I can be sarcastic, weird, emotional, uninterested, independent...without feeling like it actually affects how someone views me. Or, without me caring too much about how much it affects their view of me.

And, I try to be like that in every interaction.. sure. But when I think about getting to know someone online with the purpose of 'Do I want to date you? ...Do you want to date me?', it's terrifying. I can do the written part, the hiding behind the computer screen and only telling someone things about myself in my own time and my own way... but the actual meeting them part? I can't even imagine doing it. Too much pressure. And I think it gives me further allowance to be picky about things that don't matter. That it's much easier to judge someone based on how they look, how they write, how they present themselves...versus getting to know them in a 'normal' capacity and either being attracted to them initially or recognizing how cool they are once I learn more about them.

Mostly I just feel like a coward.
Mostly I'm just too scared to ever admit that I could really like someone, and it seems safer to point out all their flaws and the reasons I couldn't possibly like them (when in reality, I'm just afraid that they'll never like me and I'll be stuck, yet again, in a place of unrequited love).

So as much as I like to flirt with the idea of relationships...it's hard for me to put my money where my mouth is. It's hard for me to really let down my guard and admit that possibilities are out there and then actually let them happen.

I still feel pretty undecided about Online Dating. Still feel conflicted. Still feel like if I ever decide to really do it, that I can never tell anyone about (mixed with wanting to go all out with it and then blog about my experiences...).

Mostly this question has brought up a lot more questions and self-awareness about my continued fears and insecurities. How much do I care what other people think about how I might meet my future husband? Can you date online without everyone thinking you're desperate? How much am I willing to let someone in? How ready am I to trust? How ready am I to sacrifice? How ready am I to face possible rejection, disappointment, more heartache?

Pros and cons.
Decisions.
Possibilities.
Questions.
Fears.

Maybe I'll let you know how it turns out.
Maybe I won't.

Curious to hear about your experiences with Online Dating? Are you a fan? An advocate? Of the opinion that it's too controlling? Negative? Dangerous?

Let's hear it...
I'd love some feedback.

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