Dating Requirements

Interested in Liking ('ill'n'...?). 

Talking.

Dating. 

Seeing Someone.

In a Relationship.

It's a confusing world out there with all the different steps that seem required to get us from point A (strangers) to point B (marriage). Granted, sometimes we start off more acquainted than strangers and oftentimes the end doesn't result in marriage...but it doesn't negate the fact that it often feels like a lot of hoops to jump through. 

Check it out: 

So do you like him?
I don't know yet. I don't know him very well. But, I am interested in possibly liking him. I just want to get to know him better first.  

So...you guys are talking? Yeah. We've kind of acknowledged that we're interested in each other, but we're just talking to see where it goes from here. Neither of us really are ready to jump into anything until we're more sure.  

So, I hear you're dating someone! Yeah- it's pretty chill though. Kind of just feeling things out, going on dates occasionally. There's a few other prospects, too. Nothing serious.  

Are you guys seeing each other? Yep! We 'DTR'ed the other night. We see each other quite regularly and we've actually agreed to not see anyone else right now.  

I saw that you're in a relationship?? I know! Isn't it exciting? Once it's Facebook official, that means it's serious...right? 

Okay, okay- so some of it is just all about semantics, but some of it just feels like unnecessary steps to stretch out the already tortuous process of figuring out all this romantic stuff.

And, I get it. At this point in my life I don't really want to just jump into a relationship with someone without being more 'sure' of things (whatever that even means), and so as a result I'm much more cautious with (a) admitting I like someone, (b) letting that person know I like them, (c) letting anyone else know that there's a possible prospect, (d) committing to only that person, (e) announcing it to the social media world.

It's scary.
Because what if things don't work out? Again...?
How much of an emotional roller coaster am I willing to go on myself, let alone take anyone else on when they get excited that 'Debbie may have actually found someone!!'

And so we slow.it.down.
I don't think either gender is really to blame. As much as I'd love to point a finger at all the men and tell them that they need to be bold and take more initiative...I know that even with the guys who do and who have, many a woman are stalling and freaking out about really entering into a relationship with them.

So what's the deal?
We're a generation who is scared of commitment, scared of getting into something messy...into something that isn't perfect, and scared of feeling like there's no way out or that something better might come along. So we resist. We draw it out as long as we can. We want to be sure. We're waiting for the feelings of, 'I know' to dance across our hearts because we've heard so many times that, 'when you
know, you know.'

But what if you're someone who is never sure about much? What if you're someone who can talk yourself out of things just as easily as you can talk yourself into things? What if there are several people in your life that you feel like you could be sure about being with?

I don't think it's simple.
I think it's complex and we tend to make it even more complex (unnecessarily so).
So what's the solution?

Take a chance.
I can't know if the next guy I'm interested in is going to be my husband...but I can't be so guarded that I'm unwilling to be in a relationship with him because I don't know the end result. If I live in the fear of a relationship not working out, I've given it no chance from the beginning.

And so I think we need to take more risks. I'm not saying to jump into relationships foolishly, but I am saying that we don't need to cater to all these steps that it often feels like we're 'supposed' to follow. There isn't a 'right' way to do it.
There isn't a certain 'path' to follow.
What worked for one person, may not work for you. While one couple needed to talk for months before figuring out if they actually wanted to go on a date, it doesn't mean that's how you have to do things.

I am saying that we can't live our lives scared of commitment and scared of what other people might think of us. We can't live our lives fearful of disappointing others (whether that's because of who we're dating or because we don't want to let them down with another prospect not working out).

We can't live our lives as though we know the outcome.
We don't.

And we if we live our lives so scared of being hurt, we'll never really live them at all.
The next guy I date may be my husband. But, I also have to recognize that I may date several more people before that ever happens. I don't want to be the person that's too scared, too unwilling to commit, too untrusting that I'm never willing to just find out...

So...
Do what you gotta do, but don't make it all sorts of complicated.
Enjoy it.
Isn't dating supposed to be fun, exciting, interesting, risky, unknown...as you get to know the other person better, anyway?
Let's not suck all the joy out of it.

And, in the end, I think we might find a lot of beauty when we're willing to commit, when we're willing to work through the messy, the imperfect and choose to love someone despite it all.

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