The Comment:
How has your relationship with the Lord changed
since you entered married life? How has your relationship with your
husband impacted your relationship with Jesus, and vice versa?
It's a big question.
A question that I'm sure is answered differently by married folk
all over the world. Because, getting married changes everything...but it also
doesn't really feel that crazy at all. By crazy, I mean different. It
doesn’t feel that different.
Because, at the end of the day (regardless of my marital status),
I’m still a person who is very much in need of God’s grace. So while I have a
man beside me who continually reminds me of Jesus, who continually challenges
me toward obedience, who shows me the beauty of serving others… I have a man
who also draws out my flesh. Around him I am quickly impatient, selfish and
self-righteous.
It’s as good of a paradox as any. Constant refinement and
continual awareness of my sinful nature as I press on toward Jesus (recognizing
again and again how desperate I am for that saving grace).
The thing about my husband, specifically, is that we don’t get to
rest in our depravity. We don’t get to sit around all day and wallow in the
fact that we are broken. He, instead, wants to live out of his inheritance. He
constantly wants to be better. He wants to grow. He wants what is good. He
wants to seize truth, claiming it over his life in such a way that his life is
defined by Jesus… from the depths of his soul to the words out of his mouth.
I don’t know how that can’t impact a person.
Life feels more hopeful, more joyful. I have to laugh a lot, let
go of a lot. There’s this freedom to be fully me, to ask all the questions, to
act like a crazy, to vent my frustrations, to admit that I am actually terribly
ugly inside. And still, somehow, he loves me.
And if he can love me…?
What does that say about the Father’s love for me?
I think I have a better understanding of the Lord these days (even
though most days I still feel like I don’t know anything). It’s probably a
combination of a million things, but I think marriage lends itself to that. I
don’t see as many traces of the insecure girl who was always questioning God’s
love for her. I don’t see the same person who doubted His goodness.
Instead, I know He is
faithful.
I don’t know if that answers your question.
In some ways I feel more whole than I ever have. Not that marriage
completed me, but there’s this element of recognizing that there’s a person beside me who
reminds me of all the things I have the tendency to forget. A person who
reminds me who Jesus is and what He has done and what that means for me. A
person whose strengths complement my weaknesses and vice versa. A person who
doesn’t let me get by with easy. A person who helps me in this endeavor to be
more like Jesus.
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| © Catherine Rhodes Photography 2014 |
It’s good.
It’s crazy.
Good crazy.
Crazy Good.
We’re both a far cry from perfect, but we’re now in this together.
I couldn’t have imagined anything or anyone better.
And I love that the Lord uses all of this, including my many years
of singleness, to remind me of who He is and remind me of who I am called to
be.
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