Maybe people have been telling you your whole life that they love you, but you deny it. You think that they only love you because they "have" to or that they're just saying it because they think they're supposed to. But sometimes you just have these moments where you actually realize the depth of it all...and you actually believe them.
I feel like I've been having a lot of those moments lately.
Perhaps it's because I've spent a lot of my life rejecting the notion that people could ever truly love me, or perhaps it's because I've just entered into sappy, love territory... but lately I've just been overwhelmed by it. Aside from my fiancé (although I'm continually blown away by how much a man can love me and show me that he loves me when I'm so undeserving of it), I feel like other people have come out of the woodworks and just...loved me.
Or maybe it's now that I'm at a point where I finally have to let people love me and before I've been able to keep pushing it away, I've been able to deny it. I now have to recognize that a marriage cannot be successful if I'm continually telling my husband that he doesn't really love me, if I'm continually believing this lie that he never could love me. And so I have to let him love me... which means I have to actually believe that he does love me (and that he'll choose to love me forever...eek!).
Once I allow this mindset to enter in, I can't very well think that only he could love me either. And so the floodgates have opened. Even the people that have told me that they've loved me my whole life (like my family)... I feel like it's just now truly starting to register.
I wish I hadn't waited so long.
I spent a lot of my time wishing people loved me (almost desperate for it at times), yet still unwilling to receive the love that was being constantly offered to me. Still being blind to it because it seemed too hard to let in, to identify, to understand. I wish I hadn't been the constant skeptic, the girl in the denial, the one who chooses to believe it's better to trust no one than to trust and get hurt. I wish I hadn't been so worried about protecting myself, that I wasn't so quick to scoff at the words, that I didn't cast them away just as quickly as they came my way.
Because people love me.
It's weird.
It's weird because it's true.
And it's weird because, oftentimes, I've done nothing to earn their love or deserve their love....so it's hard for me to understand why they would, why they could.
But maybe that's the point.
Maybe in my finally allowing myself to believe that others could truly love me, that there's this greater depiction of Christ's love for me in it. An allowing myself to more fully believe His love for me that runs far deeper, wider, longer than anything on this earth that I know.
Do people tell you that they love you...?
Do you believe them?
I hope that you do.
I hope that you don't scrutinize, that you don't deny, that you don't reject the love that others offer you. I hope that you spend more of your life receiving the love and then, as a direct response, giving it to others. And, I pray, that it would be a true reflection of the Greater Love of the Lord.
Because He loves you.
It's weird.
It's weird because it's true.
It's weird because we've done nothing to earn His love or deserve His love...so it's hard for us to understand why He would, why He could.
But, He does.
They do.
I've been humbled to the point of tears as I recognize the depth of the love that is constantly given to me. All I can do is receive it with open hands of gratitude as I fall flat on my face.
Thank you. For loving me so well. For loving me so much.
Even when I mess up, when I don't give anything in return, even when I'm selfish, even when I walk away...
I am loved.
I can't get away from it.
But, for the first time in a long time, I don't want to.
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