The One

"Unworthy" felt stamped across my heart.

Stamped in such away that it was all I could see, and all I was sure anyone else could see when they looked at me. I might as well have been wearing a scarlet 'U'. The ink felt permanent, too.

The words were meant as both a reminder and a warning sign. A reminder for me, in case I ever started to forget it. A warning sign for others as they start to get close... a sign that encouraged them to proceed with caution: Watch out, this one is damaged...she's not worth much...

Isn't it interesting that out of a thousand nice and good things people can say about me, just one negative thing from the right person can still somehow weigh more?

The choir is harmonizing and singing my praises, but just one tenor is slightly off key... and it's all that I hear. It's all that I notice. None of the other correct notes matter, because this one hurts to hear.

Oftentimes you might be able to cast aside the one because they are just one in the bunch of many... but sometimes that one is the one that matters most. Their voice is the one you desperately yearn to hear encouragement from, support from, love from... so when it you only hear the echo of emptiness, the pain ensues.

The other voices don't matter.
The other words feel meaningless.
Because they aren't coming from the one that you need to hear them from.

Unworthy.
Damaged.
Not worth the effort.
Untrusting.
Controlling.
Selfish.

These are the words I hear.
Because they came from one whom I heard louder than anyone else. And even if they weren't words that were actually verbalized, they were the words that flowed into the craters of silence when the one was unwilling to provide anything else.

And we wonder why we believe the lies?
We wonder why the wounds won't heal?
We wonder why we live in these patterns that seem to perpetuate the same things over and over again?

Who is your 'one'?
Who are you listening to more than anyone else?
What are the things that you're choosing to believe about yourself?
What are the words stamped across your heart?

And are they true?
Actually true?
Or have you just heard one voice louder than the rest for whatever reason? Have you given one voice more power than any other voice?

The ink isn't permanent.
The words aren't etched into our hearts.

Will we be people who choose to believe what the choir is singing, able to tune out the one who continually tries to sabotage our self-image and our identity?
Will we be people who choose to believe what the One is saying about who we are over what the one has said?

It isn't easy.
It's much easier to drown out all the other voices that try to remind us that we may not be the wretched monsters that we've truly begun to believe that we are. But maybe it's time to stop settling for easy all the time, to stop settling into modes of self-pity and despair.

Think about it:
Whose voice defines you?

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